NEW YORK – News came in earlier today that Daryl Hannah – star of such films as Kill Bill Volume 2 and Splash! – has been amassing a private army of Amazonian warriors ready to attack America, overturn the government and implement a Fem-Ocracy. As is almost always the case with stories of this nature, Anne Hathaway has been named as one of her most prized Lieutenants.
Uma Thurman first reported Hannah’s plans to disbelieving reporters during a junket for the concluding Volume of the Kill Bill saga:
I was telling them that Hannah had recruited some of the most famous actress in her army. Jolie was already on board and Megan Fox. Helen Mirren had her own private army for years, but they were considered too radical and anyway her and Dame Judi Dench were British and so had their own agenda.
Sure, she talked to me about it. But I thought she was pitching a film, a film I’d still be interested in doing, by the way, should Daryl still fancy it after the revolution.
Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus are all thought to hold key positions. Some have speculated that Hannah’s Amazon army might move first on Russia to free the Pussy Riot group. Others have argued that the whole story comes from a misread email about a Daryl Hannah Box Set ordered from Amazon.