DANNY DYER TO STAR IN ‘THERE WILL BE BLOOD’ REMAKE
LONDON – Professional cockney, Danny Dyer, has signed on to take the lead role in Nick Love’s remake of Paul Thomas Anderson’s ‘There Will Be Blood’.
Dyer, whose is facing bankruptcy after the failure of his pet gambling project PokerGeezers.com, has worked with Love on several films and was his number one choice for the coveted role of Daniel Plainview.
“Danny is one of the greats” said a booze soaked Love.
“He’s got a range few actors of his generation possess and he’s a master of dialect’s. He can do East Ham, West Ham, Streatham. Lewisham. He struggles with any accent north of London but give the kid a break, it’s not as though he went to RADA or anything!”
Love says he will be retain the spirit of the epic but he’s made substantial changes to the original script.
“ We’re going set it in Bethnal Green instead of California. Plainview is a Pie and Mash baron who wants to turn a local church into a jellied eel factory. We’ve added lot’s of rhyming slang to the dialogue such as “I tiddly wink your Milkshake, treacle!”
“We’ve also written in a pearly king who was a former hit-man for the Kray twins. We wanted Bob Hoskins for that role but he won’t come out of retirement so Toby Jones is going to play him”
We contacted Paul Thomas Anderson to ask him if he’s given the remake his blessing but his office informed us that nobody has seen him since The Master was released.
“He went out for dinner with Tom Cruise and that’s the last we’ve heard of him.” said his worried secretary.
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