Tuesday 11 August 2020
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NEWFOUNDLAND – Ghostbuster, Blues Brother and now spirits manufacturer Dan Aykroyd has been accused of bottling and selling salty water and labelling it as vodka.

The accusation came after years of trade as Dan Aykroyd secretly formulated a recipe for what he called the purest essence of vodka in 2007. Packaged in a crystal skull in honor of the one bad Indiana Jones film – Aykroyd appeared briefly in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom – the transparent liquid was labelled as being pure additive free vodka, which was also gluten free and certified kosher.

Vodka aficionado Mary Stopes said:

At first we of the vodka community were blown away that Ghostbuster and Blues Brother, Dan Aykroyd was deigning us with his presence. No one wanted to criticise him, despite the fact that his crystal skull vodka was really salty and no one seemed to get drunk when they drank it. You have to understand that vodka experts tend to me quite lonely people with really unhealthy lifestyles, so any shred of glamour we can get we pick up with both hands. We’ve been drinking his salt water for years now, but finally it’s time we joined together and said, Dan, this isn’t vodka. It’s possibly sea water, or it could be water you cooked your pasta in.

A close associate of Aykroyd anonymously stated that ‘Dan is a follower of homoeopathy and believes that the memory of vodka exists somewhere in the salty water. That means you can gain the same effects of vodka but without the sclerosis. And you can drive!’

Since this article was published everything it contains has been found to be untrue and potentially ruinously libellous. 


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