HOLLYWOOD – The day is almost here and it’s time to preview the rapidly approaching 86th edition of the Oscar awards announcements which is set to take place in February, 2014. Studio Exec – as ever – is first with the predictions and the results and the gossip.
Hosted by Paul Rudd after the disaster of Seth McFarlane’s on stage bong smoking last year, the ceremony is a pared down version of the usual razzmatazz and is sponsored by K-Mart and JC Penny. And the award goes to…
Best Actor – Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man 3
Not because of the acting but the fact he has managed to maintain his reputation as a great actor while at the same time not acting, and making the least amount of effort. Whether it’s playing Tony Stark, a performance he Skypes, or playing Sherlock Holmes and being basically Tony Stark in different clothes, Downey Jr rakes in the cash in a very entertaining fashion. He will be amusingly self-deprecating in his speech (but not enough).
Best Actress – Molly Ringwald for Pretty in Purple
No one saw this coming. The upset of the year with a daring re-imagining of the Eighties favorite. Molly will cry and thank a long series of names who will later turn out to be her cats.
Best Director – Jon Favreau for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Foetus
Again a surprise career resurrection, after the disaster of Cowboys and Aliens Favreau will shout ‘I’m king of the world (as well)’ and then host Paul Rudd will vomit on him prodigiously.
Best Film – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
No surprise here. Peter Jackson was told by the academy if he agreed to make this film his last they would give him an Oscar to go with the seventeen he has already.