COLIN HANKS: MY ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE
Howdy! Colin Hanks here. Happen you seen me in … er … oh, in King Kong I played like a ‘guy’. Whooo-eee!
My Momma always said that if you had yo’self some night terrors then the only way to send ‘dem critters packin’ is to tell some folks about it.
Well, I suuuuure had me a bonafide nightmare last night sir. Heck I woke up shakin’ like a piglet on slaughter day, mhm mmm!
Let me tell it; I found myself on a stage talking’ to some Old Timer. Reminiscing and such, about growin’ up; about my Momma and Poppa. Heck I was blabber-gassing like a regular ol’ lazy gums. Den I gone realised dat day was cameras aaaaall around. ‘Mr Old Timer sir, am I on a TV show? like they have on TV?’ I says.
‘Well shiiiiit son, ‘dis be dat Actor’s studio!’ said Old Timer.
‘Jimeny Jellybeans!’ said I, and heck fire if there wasn’t a whole crowd a young folks laughin’ in dat audience right den. And well I had me a chuckle-roll too.
But den I see Old Timer’s face gone change…all Sally Serious wise and I say ‘Hey Old Timer, what’s crawled up ‘n your craw?’ and he up and points at dem audience. I followed with my peepers what he done motioning at.
Dem audience! All in a commotion, day skin aaaaaall grey like uh elephants in a zoo. And they moanin’ like a hog in a trap, and they blood in dem mouths. ‘Heck Old Timer! day be Zombies and I aint lying!’ and I turns to Old Timer and he done gone all Demon style too! Oh crab stew Colin, you sho’ got yo’self in a stink-hold now I thinks.
And I was surrounded. All dem hungry young actors coming at me, it was scaresome Lord have Mercy. And just as they about to claw me up…well, that roof gone lift riiiight open and from dem heavens down swoops my old Paw on a, what you call? one o dem ‘Gryphons’ from yoresome tales! And Paw fires golden arrows at dem zombies afore swooping me up. We flies off into that big ol’ sunshine together.
And that’s it.
I woke up. Sweating like a Louisiana altar boy! I sure don’t comprehend what it means, no Boss I don’t know dem fancy mind workings. But I ain’t never going on dat there TV show from the TV… But I want to see that Gryphon again. Maybe some night, if I’m lucky he’ll come to Ol’ Colin again and we can have adventures like in dem old stories.
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