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Thursday 6 August 2020
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COEN BROTHERS ATTACK AFFLECK

COEN BROTHERS ATTACK AFFLECK

HOLLYWOOD – The bad boys of middlebrow cinema, the Coen Brothers, launched a scathing attack against Ben Affleck today during an interview with French culture magazine Chapeau.

‘That asshole stole our movie and he’s gonna pay with his nut,’ they said in unison in a The Shining -Danny-come-and-play-with-.us way that they’ve perfected over the years. ‘His film Argo was clearly a rip off of our film and when we get our hands on him he’s gonna be shy a nut. We’re going to take it off with pliers.’

It appears that the Hudsucker Proxies (as they prefer to be known) were labouring under the false impression that Affleck’s Argo was essentially a remake of Fargo. Joel – the more coherent of the two – flew solo on this one:  

Mr Potato Head

Mr. Potato head thinks he can do anything just because he used to dingle Beyonce or someone. Well, he can’t. Remaking our film and then just taking a letter off the beginning of the title to try and throw us has never worked. Look how we fucked up Spielberg after he tried to make Arton Fink. We broke William Friedkin’s arm when he was planning a script Brother, Where Art Thou?

Ethan continued:

We’re only gonna take the one nut, because the other one’s there as an insurance for good behaviour. 

Matt Damon – who is widely believed to be the origin of the rumour – looked shaken and tried to explain himself. ‘I thought the guys would watch the movie, see that it was obviously not Fargo and realise I’d been pulling their leg. What I didn’t realise was how heavily these guys are into crystal meth. They sat through the whole screening facing the wrong direction and basically saw their film against the blank wall opposite the screen.’
  

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