CODE RED, CODE RED: ORLANDO BLOOM HAS RETURNED
HOLLYWOOD – For two years cinema screens have been miraculously Orlando Bloom free but this week alarms sounded throughout the National Security Agency warning that Elizabethtown‘s Orlando ‘Blando’ Bloom had somehow slipped past all the security measures in place and in front of a film camera and the results were on screens everywhere.
President Obama said that the breach represented a ‘serious blow to our national mood.’ The President told reporters at the White House:
First of all I cast Orlando way before the UN resolution past, so I am exempt from that ban legally. Secondly, he’s playing an elf and really being wooden and being elfish is pretty much the same thing. And three, the film isn’t that good, so it’s not like it’s ruining anything.
The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug is the film to avoid if you want to maintain a Orlando Bloom free life.