LONDON – The Crown’s Claire Foy has ordered that co-star Matt Smith have his head chopped off.
Following the revelation that Matt Smith got more money than her for appearing in the Netflix serial The Crown, Claire Foy has ordered the actor arrested on high treason: a charge which still carries the death penalty. Taking a leaf out of Henry the VIII’s book she wants to see her royal consort shortened by a head as a way of assuaging her displeasure.
One has heard with some distress that the monarch of The Crown has been treated in a despicable manner by the Colonialist Broadcasting company known as Netflix. As they for the moment stand outside of the range of our contempt, the fury of the realm shall be thrown with all the might at our disposal on the unhappy head of the former Doctor Who.
Although initially seen as a joke, legal experts actually uncovered a bylaw in the Magna Carta which states:
Any who Acteth the PART of the MONARCH shall also verily wield the SCEPTRE and POTENCY of the MONARCH.
In accord with ancient precedent Smith has been conveyed to the Tower where he awaits execution. Having played Prince Phillip he will have the privilege of being decapitated with a sword rather than the blunt ax reserved for commoners.