TEXAS – Hollywood is in shock with the news that the FBI have arrested Chuck Norris.
Reports are coming in to the Studio Exec bungalow that federal agents have raided the Texas ranch of Walker Texas Ranger star Chuck Norris. The raid took place at the early hours of this morning, according to sources. Josie McFacepunch – Mr Norris’ personal trainer and self-described buffer – told SE:
The first SWAT team came in with flashbangs and tear gas. Chuck was out of bed and in a flying roundhouse kick, taking five agents out before he landed in his slippers. He then tore a sixth in half and sent the other four running in retreat as he made pancakes. Chuck’s eighty so he has to be careful with the butter and syrup.
You said the first SWAT team?
Yeah, the second team came in, but they never stood a chance because by then Chuck was ready for them. He used kitchen utensils in ways that weren’t only illegal, some of it was frankly obscene.
In the end, the authorities managed to apprehend Mr. Norris when one of the SWAT team asked him to autograph a flak jacket.
Despite early rumors that authorities arrested Norris because of his involvement with the riot in Washington, a spokesperson for the Justice Department denied the rumor.
Mr Norris was arrested this morning in connection with a suit from 1995 launched by Tom Hanks against the film Top Dog. Mr. Hanks has an exclusive right to approve cop/dog movies and Mr. Norris did not have Mr. Hanks approval at the time of shooting the movie.
Tom Hanks was unavailable for comment.