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Thursday 26 November 2020
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CHRISTOPHER NOLAN RECALLS BACK CATALOGUE FOR TENET

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN RECALLS BACK CATALOGUE FOR TENET

HOLLYWOOD –┬áChristopher Nolan recalls his entire catalogue of films prior to the release of Tenet.

In a bold marketing move to promote Tenet, Christopher Nolan has recalled his back catalogue. He’s demanded the public ‘Get back to their iMax cinemas and watch my new film’.

The blockbuster auteur famous for complex plots and breathtaking action blockbusters such as Interstellar and The Dark Knight Trilogy released this statement:

‘I decree all my other films will not be seen again until you all get your sh*t together and cough up the price of an iMax ticket. They will be wiped from all streaming sites. If you have them on archaic ‘Blu Rays’ or even ‘DVDs’ (hahahahahahahaha), expect a visit. Someone in a smart Italian suit with slicked back hair will knock on your door. They will resemble either Tom Hardy or Marillon Cotillard. They will point a gun in your face until you hand my films over. Some of you may dream about an idea to wipe all of my films from your hard drives. You will follow up on this dream and obey.’

‘The Academy aren’t getting away with this either.’ said Nolan, ‘Those gutless wonders aren’t pulling out of next year’s Oscars. I’ll win Best Picture if I have to brain wash incept every single one of them. I refuse to accept Trolls World Tour will win the Best Picture Oscar by bloody default.’

Warner Brothers release Tenet on July 17th later this year. I will now delete all of my Batman films, for some reason. I obey, I obey.

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