LONDON – Christopher Nolan has chosen his follow up to the Dark Knight Rises: Jenga: the Motion Picture.
Nolan announced his decision in a written statement on beautiful velvety paper (lightly lemon scented) which read:
I have decided after much consideration to follow up my wonderful Interstellar with a film which will be even more epic and even more personal. It is to be entitled Jenga and before you ask, oh, just like the wooden block puzzle game!? I shall say, exactly like that. In fact, it is identical to it. The film will be scripted by my brother Jonathan and scored by my sisters, Denise, Linda, Coleen and Bernadette with help of Hans Zimmer’s booming trombones.
The story is simplicity itself. A series of interlocking wooden realities are poised to achieve great altitude but the oblong necessities of life pattern require the extraction of rectangular solidity with a fluid and speedy motion, obtaining to the balance of the whole and allowing the sum of the parts to remain the same even as each of those parts in terms of truth value shifts defiantly along a vertical to table axis. It is a story about balance, architecture, restraint and Michael Caine crying.
I have assembled the most wooden cast I could find, including Jude Law, Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pine, though the latter is purely for punning purposes. Orlando Bloom is also in talks with us.
I know that some will be disappointed by my decision, having kindly compared me to Stanley Kubrick and perhaps expecting me to take on a subject that is deeper, but I should remind such folk that I am a massive genius with a popular touch; a marvelous director, who can take the juvenile stupidity of Batman and create the high art of a Wagnerian opera cycle. I am committed to rendering the popular ephemera of life magical by cinematic art.
Plus Hasbro are going to pay sickeningly large amounts of money.