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Friday 4 December 2020
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CHRISTIAN BALE ARRESTED FOR HAVING ‘A CRUEL FACE’

CHRISTIAN BALE ARRESTED FOR HAVING ‘A CRUEL FACE’

HOLLYWOOD – Christian Bale was arrested in the early hours of this morning and charged with being in possession of a cruel face, according to officers of the LAPD.

He was apprehended while walking alone in the vicinity of the hotel where he was allegedly staying. An LAPD statement read:

A 39 year old Caucasian male was stopped by officers at approximately 2 AM Monday morning. When questioned the man replied politely that he ‘was taking the air’, but the officers on closer inspection decided that the man was in possession of a ‘cruel face, that looked like it would be scary to wake up beside.’

Various law enforcement agencies have begun to clamp down on  dead eyed expressions and people with sardonic smiles, as well as the usual suspects: ‘eyes too close together’, ‘face I want to slap’ and ‘looking funny’. It is believed Christian Bale fell into cruel face category. Face expert Jonty Piers said:

Bale looks like the kind of man who makes love in silence, emitting the occasional thin giggle. He probably watches It’s a Wonderful Life dry-eyed from start to finish. I’m not saying he’s a cruel man. I’m just saying his face looks like it belongs to a cruel man. 

Christian Bale will most likely get let off with caution, although if he is charged, then fully expect a Bale Bailed headline in the next few hours. 

American Hustle and Out of the Furnace both feature Christian Bale’s cruel face.

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