CHRIS CHRISTIE TO BE THROWN INTO THE SARLACC PIT
TATOOINE – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is to be thrown into the Sarlacc pit, officially known as the Great Pit of Carkoon.
News that authorities will throw Chris Christie into the Sarlacc Pit on Tatooine began to circulate today. The Governor will be fed to the Sarlacc, in whose belly the former presidential candidate will discover a ‘new definition of pain as he is digested for over a thousand years.’ Chances are – Sarlacc experts warn – that figure could be closer to 20,000 years. Tatooine correspondent Ark Ho Pitt Arrrrgh told us:
Christie’s a big guy so it might take even longer and that means more pain. The Hutts tend to throw in criminals and people who have crossed them. Working out why can be a problem. They disintegrate people who ask too many questions.
He’s the first sitting governor to be fed to the Sarlacc since Governor of North Carolina, John Drayton. Drayton was thrown into the pit due to a misunderstanding about back taxes.
Governor Christie is understood to have caused the Hutts anguish when he closed a bridge in New Jersey and caused them to miss a performance of Hamilton they were ‘really psyched for’ and had come all the way to see.