BEIJING – The Chinese Communist Party has passed a law which makes it illegal to own, view or acknowledge the existence of the animated Disney classic The Little Mermaid.

The censorship department said it had decided to act after a native academic published a paper proving the film was a seditious threat to the state.

“To western eyes it might seem like the simple story of a mermaid who wants to marry a prince,” said party spokesman Xiang Xing.

But we believe it to be an evil and calculated attack designed to undermine Chinese society. Ariel obviously represents a Chinese girl who dreams of leaving the dreary, constrictive sea (China), ruled by her tyrannical father (the Party) and living free on the land (America). It’s so obviously anti communist we were surprised nobody realised it sooner.

Xiang went on to say that one character was particularly malevolent.

Take Sebastian the singing Jamaican Crab that assists in Ariel’s escape. He’s an agent provocateur, a weed smoking crustacean tempting a mermaid from her life of duty and service to a life of dancing and late night parties. If you play his song Under the Sea backwards you can clearly hear the words ‘Gather in Tiananmen Square and protest against state oppression’ and what happened a couple of months after it’s release! I rest my case.

Xing confirmed the censorship department is examining other Disney movies for potential negative propaganda.

We have a team of two scientists watching every Disney picture on a loop for the last two months and making notes. Originally it was a team of twelve but ten of them betrayed the party by escaping the country after the twenty eighth screening of Pete’s Dragon. To be honest we’re still not sure if they were brainwashed by some hidden message or they simply couldn’t bare to watch the film again. Either way they are traitors to the Party and will be severely punished upon capture.

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