Tuesday 29 September 2020
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BEIJING – The Chinese government have confirmed that they have successfully 3D printed an army of Steve Guttenbergs, but have assured the West that they are only to be used in cases of extreme defense and/or ‘to f*ck up Tibet’.

The Studio Exec previously reported how 3D printers when set to random would print a Guttenberg, but this was initially perceived to have been a glitch in the hardware. It has now become apparent that the Chinese have either taken advantage of the glitch, or had designed the 3D printers intentionally to create weapon grade Guttenbergs. 

The star of Police Academy, Three Men and a Baby, Cocoon and P.S. I Killed Your Cat is reportedly sanguine about having been cloned. He issued the following statement:

I believe that the Chinese government have taken this action only in the interests of world peace. With the power vacuum left by the collapse of American power abroad, it behooves the world’s largest economy to step in and take over the role of global policeman. If they need to do so using clones based on my image, then all I can say is the world is in safe hands.

President Obama expressed concern at the escalation, and international observers voiced worries that a new arms race is in progress, as reports reached us last night that the Russians have deployed an army of Kelsey Grammers on the Ukraine border.

What do you think? Should Steven Guttenberg be taken out as a ‘preventative measure’? Leave a brain stain in the comments box below.

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