MORE STAR WARS CONTENT THAN GRAINS OF SAND

BREAKING NEWS – A new study from MIT has been published that confirms there is more Star Wars content available than there are grains of sand on the planet. With the release of the final episode of The Book Of Boba Fett, there is now more Star Wars content than anyone who is gainfully employed, could ever watch.

More Star Wars Content? You salivating Womp Rats.

The MIT study that has been recently published had to engage a new counting super-computer to calculate both grains of sand and available content. The machine, given the pet name Count Dooku took three weeks to calculate how much of the franchise is available. It then took a fraction of the time to calculate how many grains of sand there are on the planet.

Ass Hole Interviewers

There have also been several reports of ass hole job interviewers now asking how much Star Wars content is there rather than asking how many windows are in that sky-scraper. The question now stumps even the most die-hard fans of the franchise. Sci-fi experts are now no longer able to keep up with Star Wars releases. It is thought there may be another super-computer involved at Disney.

Rumors There Are. Algorithms Have They.

Many ex-Disney employees advise the franchise is now being written by an algorithm, rather than employing writers. The machine is codenamed Kamino, the cloning planet that features in Episode II, Attack Of The Clones. It churns out new show and movie scripts along with rehashed Star Wars content faster than any writing team ever could achieve.

Disney Denies Assembly-Line Writing

A Disney spokesperson advised, ‘This is just nonsense. We at Disney Incorporated (all rights reserved) emphatically deny these allegations of mechanized writing. Hang on, we are proud to announce Obi-Wan, a new TV series streaming on Disney+ shortly. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. We deny any mechanized or factory writing is taking place. Wait a minute… We are proud to announce Sith: The Chronicles Of Darth Maul. It’s a new show that will stream… Wait a second… we are proud to announce Ewoks Ahoy! The new TV show that will stream on Disney+.’

Star Wars Content Is Churned Out Every Day On Disney+… But You Knew That Already.

TOM CRUISE DENIED OVERCOMPENSATING

EXCLUSIVE – In a Studio Exec exclusive interview Tom Cruise denied overcompensating for ANYTHING. We sat down with the Mission Impossible star to talk about the next two movies in the series. It was then Tom Cruise denied overcompensating for anything with his extreme stunts.

Tom Tell Us About Your Next Mission Impossible Movie

You know I can’t tell you anything in any great detail. But what I can guarantee is there will be wild and crazy stunts that would make those Jackass, err Jackasses soil their athletic cups. We’re going bigger, faster and much longer than before.

What Do You Say To People Who Say Tom Cruise Is Overcompensating?

Overcompensating? For what? I’m the biggest movie star in the world. The BIGGEST! You hear me? I say, stick ‘em up, lemme at ‘em. I loved Scrappy-Doo. Anyone who talks shit about him deserves everything they got coming to ‘em.

But All The Rock Climbing, Abseiling, HALO Jumps and Motorbike Stunts, What Does That Say To Anyone?

It says I’m the dominant Thetan on this planet, baby. That Miscavige might think he’s the Daddy, but I’m the Daddy in this manor. Is your antennae receiving this message? I’m OT VIII. I got my certificate framed up on the wall and everything. It’s right next to my Wichita University Of Performing Arts Correspondence Course certificate.

Is It True MI: 7 & 8 Will Be Your Farewell To The Franchise?

Absolutely, it will be. Yes. I mean, it gets kind of ridiculous after a certain age, expecting me to throw myself from buildings and fight people the size of Henry Cavill.

Ha-ha-ha, Yes. It Did Look A Bit Funny When You Were Stood Next To Him.

I meant, it would look ridiculous when I’m in my 70s. But not now. What the f**k are you implying? Why would you say such a thing to me? Let me get my standing-on box, so I can look you in the eye while I tell why that was so rude.

Mission Impossible: 7 Is Due Out In 2023

BRUCE WILLIS’S FACE MOVED

HOLLYWOOD – The movie world was sent into shock earlier today with rumors and unconfirmed reports that Bruce Willis’s face moved. It is not known if Bruce Willis’s face moved in a professional capacity for a role, something which hasn’t happened for over 15 years. The Exec spoke with his manager, Aaron Jobsworth to see if there was any truth to the rumors.

Is There Any Truth To The Rumor That Bruce Willis’s Face Moved Earlier Today?

I can neither confirm or deny the rumor at this current time. You will appreciate the magnitude of such a possibility and Bruce has his whole team around him. We will help establish the facts and provide support at this difficult time.

Were There Any Witnesses?

We are looking into the possibility that a member of the public may have witnessed the incident. It is seems that Bruce was afflicted with an extreme bout of flatulence after leaving his favorite restaurant, ‘We Are Onions’. It’s on Pico Boulevard, right next to Tech Noir. Bruce’s rectum prolapsed with the fart’s force and his face may have suffered an expression.

Is This Account From The Witness?

Not directly. The witness is still under heavy sedation and has yet to be interviewed. We’re trying to put the pieces together as much as we can. We have asked Bruce to comment, but as he’s going off-script, we’re not expecting much back from him.

When Was The Last Confirmed Expression From Bruce?

The last official sighting of a facial expression came way back in 2012’s Moonrise Kingdom. This was his final foray into quirky cinema. As you can imagine, we all have our fingers crossed for Bruce at this difficult time. If this turns out to be true, it could be devastating for his straight to DVD career.

We’ll Bring You More On This Breaking Story As We Get It.

ROLAND EMMERICH’S BARRY LYNDON GREENLIT

MOVIE NEWS – In the wake of the Moonfall publicity, Roland Emmerich’s Barry Lyndon has been greenlit. It is due to start shooting in the spring. Roland Emmerich’s Barry Lyndon isn’t a combo that immediately comes to mind, so we spoke to the director about his next project.

Roland, What Made You Choose Barry Lyndon?

You mean The Luck Of Barry Lyndon. I’ve always been a fan of William Thackeray’s work, which is evident from my movies. I know people have been crying out for me to finally tackle this perfect fit. With the forecast numbers of Moonfall looking so good, I managed to get this signed off.

Isn’t It Daunting Making A Film That Will Always Be Compared To Kubrick’s Masterpiece?

Masterpiece? You mean snooze-fest. It takes such liberties with the source material. I can’t recognize it as an adaptation of the book I so dearly love.

Apart From The Lack Of 1st Person Narrative, How Does It Differ That Much?

You’re kidding me, aren’t you? I think we must have read different books. The film is this turgid study of people standing in candle-lit rooms, staring at each other. Every now and then he goes off to a war or duels. But otherwise, back into candle-lit rooms and back to staring at each other. I mean, fuck me, it’s awful. We’re going to tell the real story of The Luck Of Barry Lyndon.

Which Is?

So when Barry joins the Prussian Army, he uncovers an alien conspiracy that threatens not just this world, but the entire galaxy. So Barry builds a spaceship with the aid of some alien tech he finds in Barn 51, near Dusseldorf. He then zooms up into space to try and destroy the alien mothership, which is hiding behind Mars. And then-

For God’s Sake Man. Just Stop. STOP!

Moonfall Is Currently Showing In Cinemas.

KRISTEN STEWART SUES BAFTA

HOLLYWOOD – Kristen Stewart sues BAFTA for defamation of character portrayal as the British Academy snubs her in this year’s awards. A spokesperson for the Royal Family has also confirmed she will be doing so as a ‘private citizen’. So, as Kristen Stewart sues BAFTA, The Exec sat down to speak to her about this litigious decision.

So Kristen, This Seems Like Drastic Action To Take?

You will address me as Her Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts, what-what-what.

Eh? But You ARE Kristen Stewart. The Actress. Diana Was A Character You Portrayed.

You utter buffoon. You sound exactly like those proletariat, Windsor-minions at BAFTA. They have their tongues so far up the Royal family’s what-have-you it was obvious they were never going to nominate one for Best Actress. What-what-what.

But Is It Right To Expect Nominations?

Look ‘ere, Miles, if that even is your real name. One did not become another person for nothing y’know. I went to the trouble of being possessed for this picture. For What? Just to have those Gin swigging BAFTA oiks to ignore one? We are not amused. That lot wouldn’t know a decent performance if it bit them on their civil list. What-what-what.

What Do You Hope To Achieve With This Court Action?

One isn’t doing it for one’s self y’know. One is taking this action for all the other A-list actors out there. Those brave souls taking highly paid roles with the reasonable expectation of snagging a statuette or seven. One wants to stand on stages and know that people love me. LOVE ME! All my subjects must love me. The adoration of common movie attendees along with perfume advertising paychecks is not enough. One must have awards. What-what-what.

That Sounds Very Noble Of You

Well, one is nobility, after all. Hahahaha! What-what-what.

The BAFTA Awards Take Place On March 13th

CHAOS WALKING SEQUEL ‘UNLIKELY’

HOLLYWOOD – The producers of the Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley sci-fi slump have confirmed the once planned Chaos Walking sequel ‘unlikely’. Which, in producer talk means it was a complete and utter flop and there’s no way in hell they’ll be spaffing any more money on that franchise. The Exec sat down to talk to producer Mark Pryke and ask why is a Chaos Walking sequel ‘unlikely’.

A Chaos Walking sequel ‘unlikely’? That means it was huge flop, doesn’t it?

*What do you mean by that? What an asshole. Just because I got an Associate Producer credit on that piece of shit, I have to talk to these idiots.*

What Did You Say?

Oh, that wasn’t me talking. That was my aura. Sorry about that. It tends to do that and I have virtually no control over it. *And now I have to suck up to him and apologize. Dick.*

Ok, I’ll Try And Ignore It, As Most People Ignored Chaos Walking, Ha-Ha!

*Smart ass.* Yes, very funny, ha-ha. I think the main problem was that we didn’t develop the script enough prior to shooting. We didn’t fully take advantage of the conceit of the auras. *And we had Tom Holland and Daisey Ridley in starring roles. If they aren’t in a Spiderman costume or hurling a lightsaber around, nobody seems to give a shit.*

Isn’t It A Bit Harsh To Lay The Blame On The Actors?

God damn this fucking aura. *Heheheheh.* I guess you have a point, I wish we could guarantee what will be a hit and what will be a flop, but that’s impossible. *Name a film that either of them has starred in away from their franchises that was successful. I’ll wait.* Oh, so my aura is going to do shitty meta-tweet gags now? *Tom Holland, Daisy Ridley or a successful movie… you can only pick one.* Fuck you, aura. *No, fuck you, Pryke!*

You Know What, I Can See Why The Film Flopped. This Aura Thing Is Really Annoying.

Fuck you Exec. Fuck you.

Was That Your Aura Saying That?

Nope. *Heheheheheh. Aura high five.*

Chaos Walking Is On Prime Video… If Anyone Cares.

RECONSIDERED – THE PHANTOM MENACE

REVIEW – Time can be a great healer as paradigms and perceptions change. People age and mellow as tastes develop and evolve. What were once forgettable mediocrities upon release are often now viewed as classics of their time. And so we reconsidered The Phantom Menace. George Lucas’s prequel trilogy starter now has the reputation of an unpolish-able turd. But is that summation fair? The Exec reconsidered The Phantom Menace with an open mind and a blank slate.

Reconsidered – The Phantom Menace… Still Shit, It Is

Jesus Christ. Just imagine if George had opened with this one back in the 70s. It makes Star Crash look like Tarkovsky’s Stalker. Even the opening crawl manages to be so dull, reading it aloud could dehydrate fruit within a 30 yard radius. Who gives a shit about taxation trade routes? A long time ago, in an administration center far, far away.

At Best, Questionable Is Your Racial Stereotyping

Ok, so the Trade Federation guys aren’t that great in terms of progressing the franchise’s racial stereotyping images. But let’s gloss over that and move on. I’m sure George Lucas wont have any other characters that are racist- oh my, Jar-Jar has just arrived. Sweet Jesus, this is difficult to watch. Even if you ignore the god-awful attempts at physical comedy. I’m pretty sure you can see the moment Ewan McGregor realizes how bad this all is. Something in his eyes dies the first times he looks up at Jar-Jar. It’s probably about the same time he remembers he’s signed on for all 3 films and it’ll take more than a Jedi mind trick to get him out of his contract.

More Gungans. Embarrassed, Are We

Dear lord. Let me follow Boba Fett into the Sarlaac pit. It wont be as painful as having to watch this Gungun sequence again. This is what happens when a white, middle aged billionaire has nobody to say no to him or even question their decisions. This is how we now have Elon Musk. I blame you entirely George.

Watch More Of This Crap, I Can’t

At least Darth Maul is a very cool and genuinely threatening villain. I can’t wait to see how his character and story develops over the trilogy. Oh. What a sh *t kicker.

Watched The Phantom Menace Did We, So Have To, You Do Not. Welcome, Are You.

MOVIE RUN TIMES WILL BE REGULATED

HOLLYWOOD – In the wake of the announcement for the run time of the upcoming The Batman at just short of 3 hours, federal lawmakers have stepped in to put a stop to this ass-numbing madness. Movie run times will be regulated by a centralized federal task force as of September 2023 called the Federal Arbitrator for Run Times or F.A.R.T.

Holy Numb Butt Batman!

The announcement of the Federal Arbitrator for Run Times or F.A.R.T will have editorial powers over all movies released in the United States of America. They will be tasked with ensuring no movie exceeds the allocated permitted run time for that genre of film.

Movie Run Times Will Be Cut Short

The whole system will classify each movie into a specific genre or classification. These will include: Comic Book Adaptation, Non-Comic Book, Children’s Animation, Fancy Foreign Animation and Smart-Ass Independent will be just a few of the classifications. Each classification will be granted a maximum run time. Therefore, if a film is classified as Comic Book Adaptation, for example, they will not be allowed to run over 90 minutes long. This would include credits and post credits scenes.

F.A.R.T Tightens Things Up

The F.A.R.T chairperson, Jessica Felch stated, ‘We at F.A.R.T are proud to be doing America a big solid. We’ll ensure the butts of this great nation will no longer be numbed in the name of entertainment and studio greed. F.A.R.T will make sure all films are correctly classified and assigned an audience appropriate run time.’

Holy Boredom Batman!

‘These Marvel and DC fat cats will never afflict us with 4 hours of slow motion rain ever again. They can’t force us into watching Eternals stare at each other on beaches for hours on end. This madness must and will stop.’

Metropol-

‘We will cut classic films also. Fritz Lang’s Metropolis will end with all those extras drowning in the streets, just as Fritz wanted it. The Longest Day will be retitled to The Day. And Zack Snyder’s Justice League, well that will still be a turd nobody could ever polish clean.’

The Federal Arbitrator for Run Times Comes Into Power Next September

OSCAR ISAAC IS BERT IN MARY POPPINS: REDUX

HOLLYWOOD – Disney+ have announced Oscar Isaac is Bert in their all new Mary Poppins Cinematic Universe. The Star Wars heart-throb has impressed with his authentic English accent in Marvel’s upcoming Moon Knight. On the strength of that performance, he will play a modern day Bert in Disney’s update of the beloved classic. The Exec spoke with Oscar about his next project.

Oscar Isaac Is Bert! How Did That Come About?

Everyone loved my accent in the latest Moon Knight trailer that just dropped. The guys at Marvel and Disney had been looking for someone who could take over from Dick Van Dyke, heard me and before you can say Gawd Blimey, Wotcher Meery, I was cast as Bert. It surely is a draym carm trooo.

What Was That?

Sorry, I slipped into character for a second.

Has Anyone Else Been Cast?

I don’t want to break any rules but I’m sure it won’t hurt to let on that they’re going to go with a different concept or actor to play Mary every episode. It’ll be kinda like what they did for Bob Dylan in I’m Not There. Everyone remembers that massive hit, cor blimey guv!

How’s That Going To Work?

One episode they’ll have Helena Bonham Carter doing her thing, next week Kristen Wiig. Then for one episode they’ll have an iPad with Cocomelon playing on it. That’s how most kids are raised these days, cor blimey, pound-a-pound mushrooms, feed the bards tarppence.

So It’s Going To Be A TV Series And Not A Movie?

Yeah, that’s where all the decent content is nowadays. Look at the shit Disney and Marvel release as films now. They keep all the good stuff to stream. Guaranteed revenue streams aint it mate. Fees up Mother Brown!

But What About The Latest Spider-Man Movie? That’s The Highest Grossing Movie Ever.

That was down to Sony. Those f**kers, I mean, those rotters insisted on a cinematic release and they pushed the budget up, cor blimey. If that had been pure Marvel, no way would they have brought back Garfield and Maguire. They got lucky. If that property goes back 100% to Sony, they’ll f**k it up like they always did. Look what they did with Star Wars.

That Was Disney.

It was? Well bugger me backwards with me old boots. I’m up shit alley without a flick knife, I is and I aint. Blimey guv!

Burt And Mary Begins Production Shortly

JOSS WHEDON TO DIRECT HORRIBLE BOSSES 3

HOLLYWOOD – In the publicity wake of his interview where he spoke out against accusations of bullying and abuse, Joss Whedon is to direct Horrible Bosses 3. The Avengers and Buffy helmer has announced he will be writing the script based on his own ‘experiences’. The Exec sat down to talk with the controversial director about his latest project.

Joss Whedon To Direct Horrible Bosses 3? How did that come about?

If you print anything bad about me, I’ll destroy whatever pathetic career you have. Got it?

Woah There Joss! I Just Asked You A Civil Question.

What? Oh, you must have mis-heard me. I didn’t say anything bad. I guess it’s understandable, English isn’t your first language.

Yes It Is. I’m English. It’s The Only Language I Speak.

I’ll speak slowly so you understand, comprende? What a f**king idiot. Who thought it was a good idea for you to interview me?

I Can Understand Every Word You’re Saying Joss. And It’s Recording. I Can Play It Back To You.

You didn’t say this was going to be recorded, you devious hack. What kind of game are you playing here?

I’m Trying To Interview You. Of Course It’s Recorded. I Want To Ask You About Horrible Bosses 3.

That? I don’t where they got the idea I would be suitable to write and direct this but I’ll give it a go. I’m just going to write about all the times I’ve ever had healthy disagreements with actors. It’ll be really funny. I’ll write about how funny it is when I threaten their careers, shout them down on set in front of the whole crew. I’ll show that really I’m just a good guy who has been misunderstood. Misunderstood by pretty much everyone I’ve ever worked with. They all think I’m an asshole.

Who Are You Going To Cast?

To be honest with you, I’m having trouble getting in touch with actors and their management. They’re all real busy I guess as they never return any of my calls. How crazy is that?

‘Horrible Bosses 3: Aint I A Stinker’ Is Currently In Development

ANDERSON WILL DIRECT AYOADE IN QUIRKMAGEDDON

MOVIE NEWS – The king of whimsy has shelved plans for another Roald Dahl movie in favor of a more personal project. Wes Anderson will direct Ayoade in Quirkmageddon, which will be a meta-documentary or ‘documetary’ as Anderson insists on calling it. We caught up with the auteur of aloof Anderson, to discuss this latest project.

Wes Anderson Will Direct Ayoade? How Did That Happen?

Yo listen up Miles. I is gonna throw fo sho truth bombs at ya. Know what I’m saying? I was just chillin’ and illin’ with my man Murray B and he was all up in ma grill. ‘He was like, ‘Yo yo W-A-W-A’, he calls me that. It stands for Wes Anderson With Attitude. He said, ‘Look man, word on the street is yo trippin’ with another R Dahl joint, know what I’m saying?’ And then he’s all, ‘Don’t be messin’ with all that shizzle, bro. Meta is where it’s at mofo.’

I See

Fuckin’ A bro. That’s right, ya dig? My main man Billy Mur-ray had my back. He was like, ‘Don’t be messin’ with that British shizzle. You gots to keep it fresh, wicki-wicki-wa-waa.’ And then it hit me like a bolt of electric. I could see the future man. It was meta. I had to make a documentary about not making no Roald Dahl piece of shit. But it’s meta documentary, a documetary! Man, sometimes I amaze even myself, you know what I’m saying?

 

How Did Richard Ayoade Become Involved?

He’s the coolest kid on the block man. He’s the whack-daddy. You know what I’m saying? I mean, I can’t understand a fucking word that comes outta his mouth, you know what I’m saying? He’s all, quirky this and quirky that. Look at my corduroys man. It’s sexy as shit, you know what I’m saying? Imagine him, my man Billy Mur-ray and that goofy fuckin kid Chalamet all in the same movie. Damn man, that is some fried chicken movie heaven right there.

Wes Anderson Will Direct Ayoade in Quirkmageddon Soon.

NORTH BY NORTHWEST REMAKE GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – Hot on the tails of the To Catch A Thief remake announcement, Hollywood once again proves you can’t have too much of a good thing. Paramount Studios have announced the creation of the Hitchcock Extended Universe. The next film will be a North By Northwest remake to star Ryan Reynolds and Amy Schumer. The Exec spoke with Denise Fahrtknocker, Head of PR at Paramount about the North By Northwest remake.

Denise, What Gave You The Idea To Remake Such Beloved Classics?

Money. We were sat around in our gold-lined giant hot tub in Malibu worrying that we didn’t have enough cash because it’ll be months before Tom shits out another Mission Impossible. It was then after several Martinis and lines of coke that the idea hit me. Hitchcock! We can cash in on Hitchcock.

Aren’t You Worried A North By Northwest Remake Has Little Artistic Value?

Artistic what? You talk real funny for someone who’s so fucking poor. Did you know that? Look, we don’t need artistic-whatever-the-fuck-you-said, because we got a great cast. They’re so talented and committed to the project, we think they’re going to surprise a lot of nay-sayers out there.

Who Are They?

Ryan Reynolds and Amy Schumer, that’s who. Ryan will be playing the Cary Grant role and Amy will play the Eva Marie Saint role. Sounds like dynamite, don’t it?

Who Will Play The Villains?

I’m glad you asked me that. We got Jesse Plemons in the Martin Landau role, because he’s kinda funny looking in his own way. And we got Alan Rickman playing the James Mason role. Who could be better to give us that mid-Atlantic, villainous charm? Nobody, that’s who.

But Alan Rickman Is Dead.

Yeah? Ok, fuck-it. We’ll get Gary Oldman. He’ll play any old villain as long as there’s enough green to be had. Who gives a shit.

The North By Northwest Remake Goes Into Production Shortly

CHARLIE SHEEN TIGER KING AUDITION – ‘ERRATIC’

With the Joe Exotic dramatization soon to stream on NBC’s service Peacock, details have leaked about others who auditioned for the lead role. An insider at NBC has confirmed the Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition was ‘erratic’ at best. We spoke to a NBC insider about the now infamous Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition.

What Can You Tell Us About The Charlie Sheen Tiger King Audition?

It was the damnedest thing I’d ever seen. He came staggering in through the doors talking real loud on the phone to his agent. He was yelling about his residuals for The Wraith Part 3, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist. And he kept changing the name of who he was speaking to and what language he was speaking in. It was fucking bizarre.

Perhaps He Was Trying To Make An Impression?

He sure did that. He carried on with the ‘call’ for about five minutes. But then with no warning, he threw what turned out to be a plastic phone right at my head. Luckily it missed and smashed against the wall behind me. He laughed, took a bow and said, “Aaaaaand scene! How about that for acting? I don’t even have an agent, she fired me months ago.”

That Sounds Pretty Weird

That aint the half of it. He was dressed in a scruffy purple suit with a green waistcoat. His hair was also dyed green and he had smudged white face paint and smeared lipstick on his mouth. I said to him, “Charlie, I think you may be a bit confused. We’re auditioning for Joe King, not The Jo-ker.” And he stared back at me like I was an idiot. “What the fuck are you talking about? I know this is for the part of Joe King. This is what I always wear to auditions, ever since The Wraith back in the 80s. It’s my lucky suit.” I then said to him, “But what about the makeup?”

And…?

Do you know what that crazy motherfucker did then? He walked over to the window, looked at his reflection and studied his face, real close. About a minute later he said in all sincerity, “What makeup?” He then made ringing noises and mimed taking a phone out of his pocket. He apologized and said he had to take this and walked out of the room. We never saw him again.

Jesus.

You said it man. I keep my doors double bolted at night now. Crazy fucker scared the shit out of me.

JOE EXOTIC STREAMS ON NBC’S PEACOCK CHANNEL SOON

PETER JACKSON’S MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR WILL BE 10 HOURS

WELLINGTON – Get Back director Peter Jackson signs on to direct Magical Mystery Tour.

Magical Mystery Tour disappointed many Beatles fans on its release in 1967. Following the success of Get Back, Peter Jackson announced yesterday that his follow up is a reimagining and re-editing of the film. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Jackson had this to say:

The tragedy of Magical Mystery Tour is that the album has so many great songs. There’s the title track of course. But you also have Penny Lane, I Am the Walrus…

Fool on the Hill.

No, I hate Fool on the Hill. Anyway, we have all these wonderful songs and then this film that by comparison doesn’t stand up.

So what are you going to do?

This film was the first time the public didn’t respond well to the Beatles. And yet they shot over ten hours of footage. Now, imagine how great when I remaster and digitally fix all that footage and edit it together. It’ll be amazing.

How long will your film be?

Ten hours. Obviously.

The film tells the story of the Fab Four as they take a tour on a psychedelic bus with Ivor Cutler and other guests along for the ride. Initially shown on Boxing Day in black and white by the BBC, it did not receive a warm reception. John Lennon blamed the BBC but many saw Paul McCartney as the culprit. The film credits the Beatles as writers and directors, as well as starring in the film and providing the music.

Peter Jackson’s Magical Mystery Tour will be on Disney+