BREAKING NEWS: The Oscars introduce Bootcamp Week, which will require all nominees to spend a week performing tasks and songs in order to gain ‘Oscar Credits’. These credits will go towards the final vote count to decide who picks up the coveted awards. So, as the Oscars introduce Bootcamp Week, we asked The Academy’s spokesman, Charles ‘Whitey’ Whiteman about this latest announcement.
Is Oscars Bootcamp Week An Attempt To Win Ratings?
I’m glad you me asked that question. Let me be quite clear about this. I have always firmly held this opinion. No matter what anyone else may tell you. Those in the main stream mass media would have you believe otherwise. But I am not for turning and I believe I have the full support of my colleagues on this issue. And it is an issue. A vitally important issue.
You Haven’t Answered My Question.
Didn’t I? My apologies. I used to be a GOP Advisor, old habits die hard.
Well? You Still Didn’t Answer.
Oh yeah, apologies again. Um… no. No it isn’t.
But You Can Understand How People See This As Part Of A Long List Of Changes? Changes That Are Moving The Oscars Away From Being The Most Coveted Award In The Movie Industry Into A Reality Show.
Not at all. We are simply introducing Bootcamp Week so all the viewers can make up their mind on which nominee in each category has the best story, the best journey while in the Oscars House. A just dead Nanna or Grampa always helps also. People are a sucker for a sob story.
There’s A House?
Oh yeah. We’re gonna have a diary room, voice coaches, dance coaches and daily challenges for luxury food. There will be a vote on who stays and who goes through to the grand final. The final being the Oscars live award show, brought to you in association with Pepto Bismol. Pepto, because watching the Oscars, is shitty enough.
That All Sounds Terrible.