HOLLYWOOD – The science of Interstellar has been researched by Kip Thorne, approved of by Neil deGrasse Tyson and baffled everyone else.
The Studio Exec FACT squad has watched the film (for ourInterstellar review CLICK HERE) wearing white coats, ballpoint pens and Bunsen burners and we’ve worked it all out so here are the main FACTS explained.
1. Black Holes: A black hole or ‘Singularity’ is caused by a collapsed plot line which then becomes so powerful as to suck all credibility in and let no doubt escape because of the incredible crushing force of complexity and exposition.
2. Worm Holes: A worm hole is similar to a black hole but is caused by a giant space worm which eats space time and if it spreads unchecked would lead to the collapse of the entire universe.
3. Relativity: This misunderstood theory first conceived by Albert Einstein is at the core of Interstellar. If Matthew McConaughey travels through space at a speed which is close to the speed of light, then his children who remain at home – Jessica Chastain and Casey Affleck – experience time differently. If McConaughey were to return then he would only be interested in one of his children (usually the girl). Because they are relatives, the theory is called relativity.
4. Neil deGrasse Tyson: The new presenter of Cosmos is now considered the leading arbiter of cinematic value with any film touching on scientific matters. His condemnation of Gravity led to George Clooney personally handing back ticket prices to every punter. Conversely, Tyson approves of Interstellar, declaring on Twitter that ‘it actually happened. I was there.’
5. Artificial Intelligence: The theory that if you make a machine incredibly complex and get everyone to talk quietly so you can’t hear what they’re saying and then add a booming score it will become sentient and independently intelligent.
HOLLYWOOD – Frankly the FACT squad were bored, and so they got drunk and watched a film on cable. And here are the 5 FACTS about Predator 2 which is (aside from headaches) the only result of that sad evening.
1. Danny Glover’s trousers are scary. Although supposed to be a hard ass, Dirty Harry type of loose cannon, the only thing loose about Danny is his waistband and weird chalky strides. He does a lot of swearing but there’s a Walter Matthau vibe going on that makes you feel that the Xenomorphs are just pesky kids who have kicked a ball into his yard.
2. Some people say Predator 2 is not as good as Predator, and this is the only occasion in the history of film criticism, that some people have been right.
3. Gary Busey and Adam Baldwin were cast as the strait laced government men!
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not in this film because he asked for money. He apparently not only wanted money but also wanted to branch out into acting and felt that the Predator series wasn’t giving him the opportunity.
5. This was the first film in which the sound torch beams make was finally realistically realized. Every time a torch beam passes the camera it makes a whooshing sound.
HOLLYWOOD – How many times have you been watching a good film almost ruined by the absence of a comedy giraffe?
Hundreds? Thousands? Even millions! Well, the Studio Exec FACT squad has been out in force with pencils and pieces of paper and have created a list of five films which would have been improved somewhat by the simple addition of a comedy giraffe.
1. Interstellar: Sure the visuals were stunning. Yes the black holes in the plot were irritating. Of course Anne Hathaway could occasionally change expression. But what ultimately brought many viewers of Christopher Nolan’s IMAX spectacular down to earth with a bump was the complete absence of an African even toed ungulate mammal with a wise cracking sense of humor. Scenes of action and tension could have been leavened with the humor of seeing a giraffe floating around in zero gravity, perhaps repeating the catch phrase in a comedy Brooklyn accent, ‘How did I get here?’ That’d even make Matthew McConaughey smile.
2. Whiplash: Yes CK Simmons gives an Oscar worthy performance. Yes Miles Teller is fastly emerging as on of the most interesting acting talents of his generation. But why couldn’t this tale of an obsessive jazz musician student locked in a poisonous relationship with his sadistic perfectionist teacher have included a pet giraffe that the student would have to keep in his New York apartment, despite his landlord’s strict ‘No Pets’ policy? Don’t have an answer? Neither do we.
3. Lucy: Luc Besson’s stupid action film starring Scarlett Johansson as a drug’s courier who accidentally becomes God, would have been improved by almost anything else happening. Given that, why not a comedy giraffe, who in a piece of cunning meta-comedy mistakes ‘Lucy’ for Scarlett Johansson, the star of We Bought a Zoo?
4. Noah: This Russell Crowe vehicle had giraffes, but they were as glum as he was in this glum fantasy drivel derived from some book called ‘The Bible’. There was no joking about with them, no amusing slapstick with droppings and finally Darren Aronofsky really dropped the ball when he forget to make them speak!
5. Madagascar: Now, I know what you’re going to say. Surely there was a comedy giraffe in Madagascar, the DreamWorks animated movie that was a hit with all the family. It starred Ben Stiller and Chris Rock as Alex and Marty but Melman the ‘comedy giraffe’ was voiced by David Schwimmer, thus nullifying any of the comic potential. The whole venture will have to go down in the history books as a noble effort, ballsed up by the dull one from Friends.
HALLOWEEN – It’s that time of year again, when everyone gets really angry at their children. So The Studio Exec has helpfully provided the FACT Squad with the mission to seek out 5 FACTS about Halloween.
1. Halloween was invented in 1978 by John Carpenter to promote his new movie ‘Halloween’. He got the name from his three year old daughter who used to say she need to hall-o-ween when ever she needed the toilet.
2. The most frightening movie ever made was Cannibal Holocaust, a film so brutal that American Association for the Protection of Cannibals refused to give it an end of credits disclaimer that stated ‘No cannibals had been harmed in the making of this movie’. Many of the cannibals – it was stated at the time – had put on weight during the production.
3. The phrase ‘trick or treat’ was originally a sixteenth century cry of a street walker in the London borough of Lambeth. In 1967 it was adopted by the US Congress as their motto.
4. Hall O’Ween, the Irish entrepreneur who made Halloween popular in the early eighties, changed his name by deed poll in order to popularize the holiday. He was originally called Mister Chiefnight.
5. Ronald Reagan in 1986 changed the date of Halloween to the 25th of December, but the move only lasted one year as it was considered too cold for the children to go out trick or treating. And it was also pointed out that it clashed with Christmas Day.
HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction film Interstellar is about to hit our screens but what do we really know about the director’s epic IMAX vision?
The Studio Exec FACT teams is ready to boldly go where Stanley Kubrick has gone before and find out the FACTS about Interstellar!
1. Interstellar is an unofficial sequel to Matthew McConaughey’s 2008 action comedy Fool’s Gold. His character from that film Finn has changed his name to Cooper and has become less free wheeling and more melancholy.
2. Ann Hathaway sung a number of songs during her scenes including When You Wish Upon a Star and another heart-breaking rendition of I Dreamed a Dream, but the songs were cut out because according to screenwriter and brother Jonathan Nolan they ‘were in the wrong film’. Likewise the tiara she wore throughout the film had to be digitally removed in post.
3. A special law was passed in the Senate that will allow Christopher Nolan to stab anyone in the throat who is caught watching the film on their phone/tablet.
4. Although many have commented on the obvious influence of Stanley Kubrick to the look and thematic ambition of the film, Nolan has repeatedly cited Norman Tokar’s The Cat from Outer Space as his main inspiration for the tone of the film.
HOLLYWOOD – The Avengers: Age of Ultron hit the internet and things went weird so the Studio Exec FACT SQUAD watched it 3 times and her are the 5 FACTS that they gleaned from the latest outing for the amazing and fantastic Avengers.
1. NoThundercats! Despite an article in this esteemed publication (click here fore that) it appears that the Thundercats might not be appearing in the new film, although it could simply be that the publicity machine wishes to keep Lion-o and Jaga in the pocket for a while longer. Allowing awesomeness to build.
2. Iron Man has got FAT! Tony Stark must have been putting away the pies and always asking for seconds because Iron Man looks seriously pudgy. This could be one of those hero-out-of-shape subplots like they did with Batman in the Dark Knight Rises. Or it might be a result of serious indulgence as it was for Chris Pratt following his Guardians of the Galaxy success (Click Herefor more on that).
3. James Spader isn’t in it. Despite reports that James Spader would be playing Ultron, I couldn’t see him. So obviously Marvel have fired him and gone with some sort of computerized effigy that they don’t have to pay. Pity, as I like Spader.
4. Thor can’t hold onto his hammer (drops it) and Captain America can’t hold onto his shield (it’s broken) and Tony Stark has lost his sense of humor (possibly due to eating too much and having indigestion). That is to say, everyone’s getting old.
5. A city will be destroyed and people will stand around a traffic jammed road gaping at something in the middle and a bit up distance.
HOLLYWOOD – Homeland is Showtime’s popular terrorist/espionage thriller starring Claire Danes, Damian Lewis and Mandy Patinkin, but what do we really know about it? Where does its allegiances lie? And does any of it make any sense?
We sent the undercover Studio Exec FACT squad into deep black ops cover to find 5 FACTS you never knew.
1. Homeland is a complete waste of time.
2. No honestly that last fact was the important one. The will he or won’t he, is she or isn’t she, is a complete waste of your time.
3. Time spent playing or watching golf, by comparison, is like you’re curing cancer.
4. I’ll admit the first season was mildly diverting if you fast forwarded through Brody’s family life, but seriously repeatedly watching this stuff and thinking you’ll get a different result is in the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic Handbook as a definition of psychopathy.
HOLLYWOOD – The life of a blogger is hard, but it’s made all the more difficult by the fact that some movie stars have names that are difficult to spell.
1. Zach Galifikinikankarsisiikis: Get this on a triple word score and your Scrabble opponents will weep blood and you will own them and their children for five generations, but try and snap off a witty put down of Hangover 3 without resorting to cut and pasting from IMDb and you are lost. Spelling the name will give you a Goddamn Hangover, or Bore you to Death!
2. Jim Cavieziel: Jesus Christ! you might think as you try to work out how many vowels to use and which way round they go, but at least that way you can remember the role that made him famous. Fortunately, you won’t need to be writing his name that often as the Rick Santorum supporter has not being getting the gigs of late. If anyone needed a resurrection now, it’s Jim Clavicle.
3. Kirsten Stuart: Okay, I admit it isn’t Lupita Nyongo’go’o’go nor is it Saorise Rohan and it isn’t even Mia Wachchacallher, but I always get the name wrong. Mainly because I can’t be bothered. A bit like William Defoe.
4. Quenvanzahane Wallis: She was great in The Beasts of the Southern Wild and hopefully she will follow many child stars, like the easy to spell Jake Lloyd, into obscurity so we don’t have to learn how to spell her name.
5. Jake Gyllenhallaal: He was in Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko so we really should learn to spell his name, but he was also in Prince of Persia and Proof so maybe we shouldn’t. Not to be confused with ritually slaughtered animals that Muslims can eat.
HELENA BONHAM CARTER ALERT – Get ready for a factoid shower that will dissolve the amassed icing on the disintegrated wedding cake of not knowing.
Helena Bonham Carter comes from a long family of humble carters, who would cart luggage and vegetables around on carts for tuppence. Helena herself learned carting but was saved from a life time of drudgery by the intervention of a fat prostitute called Mavis. Her mother still continues the family trade and will often cart about her daughter’s vegetables whenever Helena is in ‘town’.
In A Room with a View – based on the novel by Federick Forsythe – Helena’s room did in actual fact have a view, but it was digitally enhanced by James Cameron.
David Fincher originally cast Helena Bonham Carter as Tyler Durden, but changed his mind when he realised that ‘it was a really dumb idea’. The character of Marla was invented because Fincher was too embarrassed to tell Helena of the mistake.
Helena Bonham Carter is married to Timothy Burton, the imaginative genius who gave us a load of remakes of crap television shows and Planet of the Apes. He insists she auditions for any role she wants, but if he turns her down she waits until he is asleep and then cuts off his toes with rose sheers. He only has two toes left on his right foot.
Helena Bonham Carter’s dinner parties are famous throughout Hollywood and the British theatrical world, especially for their bizarre menus and sadistic Bunuel style games. She will often have her mother cart the vegetables to the house only to roundly criticize her before the assembled guests for her lack of social mores.
TORONTO – The Studio Exec FACT Squad have crossed the border into Canada and are even now rooting out FACTS from the country that invented spinach on the occasion of the Toronto International Film Festival.
The Toronto Film Festival was first held in 1832. It lasted three days and consisted of the participants wondering what film was and then realizing it didn’t exist and disbanding.
Rapidly becoming one of the most important international film festivals, the Toronto International Film Festival is still a relatively young event in the cinema calendar and if it comes into a restaurant where Cannes and Venice are eating is routinely ignored, as they talk among themselves and laugh loudly much to Toronto’s discomfort.
Popularly known as Tiff, no one knows where this name came from, but the best theory is that during an early edition of the festival David Puttnam and Ridley Scott had an argument, known in British English as a Tiff and the name stuck.
Cameron Bailey is the current artistic director of the festival and states that he is a fan of singing and rain, but strangely despises Singing in the Rain, calling it ‘too easy’.
Toronto is known as the “festival of festivals”, collecting some of the best films screened at other festivals around the world. In recent years it has bagged some prestigious world premiers of its own including Crash, The Silver Linings Playbook and Taken 2.
The Studio Exec is brilliant and everyone should realize it. For more FACTS click here.
VENICE – The Venice Film Festival kicks off and here are five things you need to look out for or there is a distinct possibility you will die.
1. Birdman is the opening film of the festival and will be celebrated on the red carpet with the entire cast pretending to be birds. Michael Keaton will be a parrot, Emma Stone an emu and the ever dependable Edward Norton is expected to show up as a penguin.
2. Lars Von Trier will be showing his director’s cut of Nymphomaniac which is rumored to last three days and will feature Christian Slater’s penis. After the screening, Von Trier will be burned alive in a huge wicker phallus on the beach.
3. Al Pacino and Ethan Hawke are both appearing in two films and are expected to make much of this. Boasting about it and making silly asses of themselves as they try to impress girls. James Franco however is going to make three films while at the festival and therefore will beat everyone.
4. The jury is led by French composer Alexander Desplat who was named after a sound effect in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
5. Although the Golden Lion is not real gold, it is a real lion. Sofia Coppola was actually eaten by the lion when receiving the award for Somewhere. Unfortunately, she was regurgitated.
Studio Exec will be tweeting and blogging from the Lido from The Venice Film Festival from 27th August to 6th September, 2014.
HOLLYWOOD – It is very difficult to understand everything, what with complexity and nuance and the enduring popularity of Kevin James movies. So the Studio Exec FACT Squad gives you five FACTS that you can take to the FACT bank. The Emmys.
The Emmys are similar to the Oscars and the Golden Globes, because they have an s at the end, but different because instead of rewarding excellence in the film industry or portraying someone dying of Aids, they reward excellence in the television industry, or portraying someone dying of Aids.
The name Emmy comes from Immy which in turn is short for Image Orthicon Tube. Or it’s the nickname Syd Cassyd had for his wife’s vagina. One of the two.
The most awarded show for the Emmys was Knots Landing and the most awarded individual William Devane who won seventeen Emmys, but none – ironically – for Knots Landing.
In order to promote a new sense of seriousness the Emmys for the first time in years will be presented by a none comedian. Jimmy Fallon has been chosen to provide the required sobriety.
The first Emmy ever given was to Germany for its coverage of the Olympic games in 1936.
FACTS FACTS and some more FACTS can be found elsewhere on www.thestudioexec.com which is basically here.
A number of people involved in the production will have consumed at least one carton/can of soup in the last calender month.
Sleazy horse boxer is not an anagram of Better Call Saul.
The vast majority of the cast were totally nude underneath their clothes during filming.
The show is not set during the infamous 478 BC Siege of Byzantium.
Tom Selleck is not rumoured to be making a cameo appearance as Magnum P.I.
Nostradamus never predicted this show would be made.
Water has played a prominent role in hydrating series creator Vince Gilligan throughout his life but not always in it’s pure form.
Louis Gossett Jr. has heard of Better Call Saul but he doesn’t know what it’s about.
The words Better, Call and Saul will feature prominently in the title.
Karl Marx once said “The development of civilization and industry in general has always shown itself so active in the destruction of forests that everything that has been done for their conservation and production is completely insignificant in comparison.” Rumours that he was referring to this show specifically are without foundation.
HOLLYWOOD – Michael Bay produced, Megan Fox starring and Jonathan Liebesman directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has hit the screens and is winning plaudits and applause universally, with not a single dissenter. But how much do we know about these ‘TMNTs’? And is there anyway we could kill them? The Studio Exec sent the FACT squad into the sewer of untruth to delivery the pizza of KNOWLEDGE.
1. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles don’t exist. They were just made up by some guy. First as a comic book, then a cartoon, then a film, and now this. I mean it’s pathetic really the lies people tell.
2. Among fans there is a huge controversy over adjectival order. In their first appearance they were called the Mutant Teenage Turtle Ninjas, but then this was changed to Ninja Teenage Turtle Mutants and even for a short period the Turtle Ninja Mutant Teenagers. In Los Angeles a series of drive-by shootings from rival gangs were blamed on the mutant ninja or ninja mutant dispute of 1998.
3. Although still labeled as Teenage, the Mutant Teenage Mutant Ninjas are all now in their mid-forties.
4. Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo all take their names from German novelists.