HIDDEN GEMS: 4. PULP FICTION

Hidden Gems is a series bringing to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome. This week Pulp Fiction.

Don’t let the title put you off, this little known B-film ‘giallo’ Pulp Fiction by reclusive Italian neo-realist director Quentinio Tarantino is well worth seeking out.
Starring a cast of unknowns – Tarantino in one of the rare interviews he has given said he despised Hollywood celebrity – the film tells three inter-related stories of the ‘malavita’ of Los Angeles. Hitman Vince Vega is played with sleazy charm by newcomer John Travolta, whose dialogue was dubbed by Michael J. Fox so thick was his Calabrian accent. Murderous boxer Butch is played by Bruce Willis, a television actor who at the time had a hugely successful career as a recording artist. Now, alas, little seen.
The dialogue fizzes and the plot twists as effectively as Mia Wallace (Uma Furman [sic]) and Vince on the dance floor.
What happened to Tarantino and why he never made another film remain mysteries to this day.

HIDDEN GEMS: 3. THE GODFATHER

Hidden Gems is brings to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week The Godfather. You’re welcome.

There have been some great films made about the Mafia. Analyze That, Oscar, Billy Bathgate. It’s impossible to measure the profound effect those classics have had on the genre but way back in the early 70s, a small time director called Francis Ford Coppola was living on stale bread dipped in week old pasta sauce and attempting to make the ultimate mobster movie.
As it turned out,  he accidentally ended up making the most expensive wedding video of all time but you can understand his decision to push the gangster stuff into the background. Brando turned up on set mumbling with his cheeks full of cotton wool after slicing his gums when he put a whole pie in his mouth and forgot to take it off the plate. Then they couldn’t get Redford or Nicholson to play the lead role of Michael so at the last minute Francis grabbed a random hippy called Al Pacino off the street, strategically shaved him and pushed the poor guy in front of a camera.
It’s difficult to find a review of the film online but after days of searching I found one reference in the Maryland Chronicle that describes Pacino’s performance as being like “A girl getting fingered for the first time in the back of her boyfriend’s Buick”. In hindsight that was a little unfair on Al but that one review knocked his confidence and he faded into obscurity. Rumour has it he’s now running a car rental business in the Bahamas.
Anyway, it’s well shot and the soundtrack is catchy enough. It would probably have worked better as a TV movie rather than a full-length feature and it’s a shame Coppola never got to make a sequel. If you’d like to buy a copy it’s only available on VHS but there’s a Facebook Campaign to get it released on DVD. The page only has 13 likes though so you might be waiting a while.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

FLUFFER AND SIDNEY LUMET

There were lots of reasons to admire that wonderful director Sidney Lumet. His party trick was to recite the whole of Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner while juggling oranges. It went on a bit after the first few verses, and if he dropped one he’d insist on starting all over again, but I couldn’t hold that against him. 

The only problem with Sidney was that he wasn’t very good with numbers. I found this out to my cost on the set of that marvelous picture Twelve Angry Men. We’d been filming fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, for nearly two months before we realized his mistake. We were sat around the table practicing our angry expressions when suddenly Lee J. Cobb burst into hysterical laughter. I thought Ed Begley had been doing that thing when he waggled his ears up and down, but it wasn’t that.
Lee had just counted up the number of jurors and there were thirteen of us! 
Well! We just fell about! None of us could believe that we hadn’t spotted it earlier! 
Poor Sidney was dreadfully embarrassed, but there was nothing he could do about it, we’d just have to start all over again. 
The question was, who would be the one to go? 
Henry Fonda was the star so he was in, Martin Balsam was giving Jack Klugman a lift to the studio each morning so he couldn’t go. As the only Englishman on set I felt it was up to me to do the decent thing and volunteer to be cut. 
I was quite touched by the way the others stood and applauded my decision. We were more than friends on that picture, we were like family.
If truth be told I would’ve had to leave early that day anyway because I said I’d pick up Joey Bishop’s dry cleaning.
But that’s another story…

HIDDEN GEMS 2. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Hidden Gems is a series bringing to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome. 

2001: a Space Odyssey

I know what you’re thinking: 1. I don’t like historical drama and 2. I hate classical Greek literature about assholes who take twenty odd years to navigate the Mediterranean.

But surprisingly you’d be wrong on both counts. Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is actually what they call a ‘Science Fiction’ film which was made in 1968 when 2001 was still in the future!

And it’s in English with no lost Greeks in sight!

Okay, so that’s why not to hate this little known cult treasure but in a world where you can watch Transformers again or Avatar, why waste your time on some old clunk bucket made before CGI was invented. Well, it’s a tough one but here goes.

1. Monkeys: film starts with monkeys and you can’t get much better than that.

2. Soundtrack: not only is the music sublime, there’s the greatest version of ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me an answer do’ ever committed to celluloid.

3. A big mad brick. The story resolves around these big black bricks which basically pop up when Mr.s Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke get bored.

4. ‘Woah shit!’ bit at the end where it just goes disco biscuits all over the screen. The cinematic equivalent of spassing out and not giving a shit.

5. Zero gravity toilet. Stanley Kubrick had a one joke limit on each film and this one’s a ‘cracker’.

So to recap: a big mad brick teaches vegetarian monkeys how to eat meet, accidentally starts the arms race so another mad brick sends a bunch of astronauts to Jupiter where, after mad computer kills all but one, survivor crashes through another mad brick and grows so old he becomes a great big baby.

Magic!

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

HIDDEN GEMS: 1. CITIZEN KANE

The first in a news series bringing to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome. 

1. Citizen Kane
 
Made in 1941, this ‘black and white’ film (as they were known) was the cinematic debut of renowned radio actor Orson Welles.
Although largely forgotten today, Orson Welles was quite the celebrity in his time, not only for his many talents as an actor and director, but also for his uncanny ability of eating all the pies and leaving nothing for his then wife Rita Hayworth.
The film sketches a posthumous portrait [SPOILER ALERT for that] of a Rupert Murdoch like media mogul – based apparently on someone called Hearst – whose rise to power leads to loneliness, obesity and morbid nostalgia. Now this might not sound appealing, but don’t worry, it really is worth a watch.
Why? Well, for one thing it’s told in a jigsaw mess of contradictory narrators as an anonymous reporter seeks the meaning of Kane’s last word ‘Rosebud’. With cameraman Greg Toland, Welles experimented with a whole series of tricks and even today the film looks fresh and original, even though it is undeniably in Black and White.
It might be difficult to get a copy, but if you ever have the chance of seeing it, don’t listen to the naysayers of the lame-stream critical community, give it a chance and you shall be rewarded.

SIR EDWIN MUSES ON BILLY WILDER

In another extract from his wonderful memoir on the Golden Age of Hollywood – In Like Niven: The Frivolous, the Filthy and the Fluffer – Sir Edwin Fluffer recalls a certain Mr William Wilder, better know to the world as Billy Wilder:

Don’t get me, wrong I loved Billy Wilder like he was my own brother. The problem was I hadn’t actually spoken to my brother since that misunderstanding over his wife’s ankles.

Relations were just as tense with Billy who’d been hired to direct yours truly in Me And My Big Mouth, a wise cracking comedy about a dentist who couldn’t pronounce the word ‘Tipperary’. In all honesty the script wasn’t all it we hoped it would be and I didn’t see eye to eye with Bill who stood just a few inches under five feet tall. Gloria Swanson told me that’s not the only reason why they called him Little Billy, but I don’t want to bore you with the man’s many, many shortcomings.  Let’s just say that one day I nearly trod on him in the car park and relations between us went downhill from there.It all came to a head one afternoon at 4 o’clock, which is when I simply had to insist on taking a cup of Early Grey tea. Most people thought this was just a quaint English custom, but if truth be told that’s when I had to have the tablets my doctor had prescribed for an unfortunate and persistent skin condition. I went back to my dressing room and there I was confronted with a sight which could only strike revulsion into the heart of any gentleman.

Someone had removed the cosy from my teapot. The tea inside was now utterly tepid and completely undrinkable.  I’m afraid to say I lost my temper and started calling Billy every name under the sun. I was in no doubt that he was the one behind this outrage and I swore that he would feel my wrath. I was loading a revolver I always kept handy in case Tony Randall came looking for me when darling Walter Matthau came in. And where his wig should’ve been was my tea cosy! ‘Looking for these Wally?’ I asked, holding up his spectacles. Quick as a flash he said ‘Now that’s a sight for sore eyes!’We were still holding our sides and roaring with laughter when I realized that somehow I’d taken the safety catch off and shot George Burns.

But that’s another story…

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 28. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winner, Rust Cole and former Fool’s Gold fool, Matthew McConaughey sat down with the Studio Exec this morning where the True Detective star, tucked into seven glasses of water and gorged himself on looking at an apple for forty seconds.

‘If I look at it for longer, it goes straight on my hips,’ said the Killer Joe actor. 

So Matthew, what is your take on the McConaissance?

A’right, a’right a’right. Well, you see when I was a young man I used to have to look out and around me to see if there were a role model that I could use, someone who might inspire me. I looked and looked and frankly I could see no one worth more than a lick of paint, but one day I was in the bathroom, jerking off or something I don’t recall, and I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror. And I thought there he is. That’s the one I’m gonna imitate and try to be like.

You?

Matthew McConaughey in person. 

I see.

I won’t deny I spent some time leaning against Kate Hudson on posters, but it paid the rent. Then Kate taught me how to read and I was able to actually see what the films would be like before they got made via these paper things they call scripts (for more on this Click Here).

 So then you made Killer Joe, Mud, True Detective and Dallas Buyers Club.

That’s a’right, a’right, a’right. I mean I didn’t want to alienate my old fans so I also did The Paperboy for Lee Daniels. Just to give them something dumb. And my Oscar speech of course was what I like to call classic McConaughey. I admire myself from the past as well as looking towards my future self for inspiration. When I need me in an emergency, I check out the Matthew McConaughey of today. Any reflective surface’ll do.

 Yeah. You know I think I’m going to be sick.

Oh really? Water a bit strong for you, huh?

Where’s the bathroom?

It’s just down the corridor and then you take a’right a’right a’right.

For more Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

FLUFFER’S GUIDE TO WINNING AN OSCAR

When you’ve won as many prizes and honours as I have you find that barely a day goes by without a young up and coming actor asking your advice on how to bag an Academy Award, aka Oscar!

You have to admire their ambition: why settle for one of those Golden Globes they give away with every packet of breakfast cereal when you could have a lovely shiny Oscar? Dear Zac Efron looked on eBay for me and he reckons mine’s worth at least $500 so they’re well worth having.

And the way to win one is to play part that’s based on someone from real life. It’s worked for everyone from George Arliss in Disraeli back in ’23, to Danny Day-Lewis playing young  Ronnie Reagan I think it was in Lincoln. And there’s no reason why lightning can’t strike again. When Benedict Cumberbatch, or ‘Eggs’ as I call him, told me he’d got the part in The Imitation Game I said to him ‘Benny, just a thought, why don’t you base it on that clever Al Turing who invented the pocket calculator?’ You could see the relief in his eyes!

It was the same sort of thing when little Eddie Redmayne, or ‘Eggs’ as I call him as well, told me he’d be playing Professor Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. I suggested he base it on that international man of mystery Austin Powers, and as soon as I saw him with the glasses and funny teeth I said to myself ‘by Jove, he’s got it!’

I don’t expect any thanks. When they win their awards there’s really no need to mention me at all, I’d do the same for any young actor in their position, and I seek no glory for their success. But if they could bung me a few quid just to tide me over while I wait for my cheque from A Million Ways To Die In The West. I wouldn’t say no.

I wasn’t the only person to die in that one!

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

17 THINGS WE KNOW ABOUT ANT MAN

Marvel’s Ant Man is the flavour of the week and rather than doing something constructive with our lives such as building shelters for the homeless or conducting illegal eugenics experiments in a bid to create the perfect soldier, we scoured the internet to compile a list of stuff we know about a movie we don’t really care about.

  1. No humpback whales were harmed during the making of Ant Man.
  2. An anagram of Ant Man is Man Ant.
  3. Paul Rudd is allergic to swords.
  4. Joe Cornish is making his own version of Ant Man using socket puppets and an Iphone camera.
  5. Michael Douglas’ penis had it’s own trailer.
  6. Jay Z will not feature on the soundtrack, but he’s got lots of money so he’ll probably sit in one of the luxury seats in the cinema and take his own popcorn and drinks rather than pay  for them in the foyer because you don’t get rich by wasting money.
  7. Steven Spielberg considered directing Ant Man but instead chose to stare at a specially adapted kettle that never boils.
  8. Ants are allergic to hammers.
  9. Paul Rudd’s nickname is ‘Sexual Purgatory’.
  10. Michael Shannon will make a cameo in Ant Man playing a guy who thinks he’s Michael Shannon but is actually Richard Rowntree.
  11. What do you call an asshole ant? A pedant.
  12. Peyton Reed directed Jim Carrey in Yes Man which is the same film as Liar, Liar, but not the same film, because he says yes a lot rather than lies, but it’s still the same film.
  13. I had to look up Peyton Reed’s name because I couldn’t remember who the director was.
  14. You can legally marry an ant in the Yemen as long as the ant is a practicing heterosexual.
  15. The square root of 69 is 8.306
  16. The capital of Equatorial Guinea is Malabo
  17. Dogs CAN look up.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 5

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer returns with his final installment of his 2014 yearbook.

Nov 1st I don’t know how he did it, but Kirk’s managed to get Mike Nichols to direct Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? To be honest I think he mentioned my name and called in a favor: Mike still owes me one after I let him use one of my legs on the poster for The Graduate. The look on Dustin Hoffman’s face still haunts me.

Nov 7th Just seen my dear old pal Michael Caine in Interstellar. I think that he agreed with me, the story really lacked something. From the opening scene you could tell exactly what was going to happen. I passed on the script when they said I couldn’t wear a pair of funny ears like Mr Spock in Star Trek, but that sort of thing always goes down so well in sci-fi.

Nov 19th Mike Nichols has died. I still remember when he fired me from The Birdcage for being too over the top! In the end he got darling Robin Williams to play it instead, and although I always enjoyed the subtlety he brought to the part it was a wasted opportunity really. I offered him the use of my giant chicken costume, but he was determined to manage without it.

Dec 1st Debbie Reynolds called. Apparently it says on the Internet that Kirk Douglas is dead! Apparently he was Spartacus and I never even knew. You would’ve thought he’d have mentioned it.

Dec 4th Got on the wrong bus and missed the photo call for this new Bond film I’m doing. I’ll be playing W, the Head of Health and Safety at MI7. Young Danny Craig’s got the lead again and Sammy Mendes is directing. They’ve dropped Dame Judi from this one: apparently they asked her to tone down the language on set and she didn’t take it very well.

Dec 17th Kirk Douglas phoned! It turns out he’s not dead after all! He just nodded off in front of Big Bang Theory and some idiot published his obituary by mistake. He had some bad news though: we’ve both been dropped from the Baby Jane remake. Apparently they’re going to shoot it with a couple of chaps called The Minions instead. It’s a shame really. After two Academy Awards, three knighthoods and counting I thought it would be a nice final curtain, but I may as well carry on for a bit longer. And let’s be honest, I need the money. The script for Police Academy: Next Generation arrived this morning, I’ll have a flick through that later…

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 4

Sir Edwin Fluffer returns with the fourth part of his wonderful yearbook of 2014.

Aug 1st Kirk’s hugely excited about Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Lauren Bacall’s expressed an interest, so naturally I’m thrilled. It’s a real honour to appear onscreen with such a true icon of Hollywood’s golden age, and I’m sure she’ll rise to the challenge quite admirably.

Aug 7th Peter Jackson’s had me back in to re-shoot the ending for The Hobbit. He wants to lighten the mood a bit, so the idea is Gandalf will finally return from the quest to be welcomed home by me as his dear old Dad.  I ad-libbed a line about having trouble getting the orc’s blood out of his cape, so it would be nice if they could use that.

Aug 12th Lauren Bacall has passed away.  Another dear friend gone and suddenly I feel so terribly alone. Watched Home Alone 2, that always cheers me up.

Sep 1st Kirk Douglas phoned: he’s got Richard Kiel for Baby Jane! I’m starting to wonder what direction this project is heading in, but Dickie is a dear old friend and always a joy to work with. You never need a bottle opener when he’s at the party!

Sep 10th Richard Kiel’s died. Roger Moore once told me that Richard had the softest hands of any Bond villain who’s ever tried to throttle him. Apparently he’d never offer to do the washing up unless there was a pair of gloves he could use and it must’ve done wonders for his skin.

Sep 27th I’ve been invited to sit on the jury at one of these European film festivals. It sounded like quite a jolly little jaunt, but then the organisers said that unlike the journalists I would be expected to watch the all the pictures right the way through to the end. Ever since I had that funny turn during Blue Is The Warmest Colour my doctor’s advised me to stay away from anything with subtitles, so I shall probably have to say no.

Oct 1st Kirk’s started work on the soundtrack for Baby Jane. I think he’s putting the cart before the house because we haven’t even started filming yet, but he’s heard of this chap called Raphael Ravenscroft who played the sax solo on a song called Baker Street and apparently now he can’t stop singing it!

Oct 13th Turned on the telly this afternoon and they’re showing Apache Chaps meet Dracula. I always thought Bela Lugosi was dreadfully miscast, but money was tight on that one and he had his own cape. I distinctly remember being very impressed by the way he used his fangs to eat corn on the cob.

Oct 19th Raphael Ravenscroft’s died. Kirk’s terribly upset, but he played a trumpeter in Young Man With A Horn, so he’s hoping he can get away with it. I’ve still got the ukulele I played in Apache Chaps Rule The Waves so I’ll try and strum along on that.

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 3

Our series of exclusive extracts from the 2014 Yearbook of Sir Edwin Fluffer continues.

May 1st Kirk Douglas rang first thing with wonderful news: he’s got a new cinematographer for Baby Jane! It’s Gordon Willis who did Annie Hall and The Godfather. Hope he remembers to take the lens cap off!

May 18th Very upset to hear that Gordon Willis has died. He was one of the best cinematographers in the business; not once did he forget to take the lens cap off.

May 30th Woken up by Stevie Spielberg banging on my window. He’s going to do another Indiana Jones, Connery’s said he rather lick Olivia de Havilland, and so they’re re-writing his part for me and I’ll be playing Harrison Ford’s grandfather!

I might need some practice with the whip. I got into terrible trouble with it on that Columbo I did and nearly had Peter Falk’s eye out.

June 1st Kirk Douglas called. He got the surprise of his life when I answered because he thought he’d rung Eli Wallach! Apparently Eli’s interested in Baby Jane, so that’s good news. I haven’t seen him since I was dropped from The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The Fruity… I don’t know if that was even released in the end.

June 11th First day on the disaster waiting to happen which is this bloody Star Wars thing I’m doing. Unfortunately there was a bit of an incident with Harrison Ford. I was waving at Carrie Fisher when I spilled my drink, there was a terrible crash, and somehow the poor old darling’s broken his leg. Hopefully the insurance will cover it.

June 24th Rang Eli Wallach to talk about Baby Jane but there was no answer. Turned on the telly and heard that he’d died! All a terrible shock and of course he will be missed. We were going to be in The Magnificent Seven together but they’d hired one actor too many and I drew the short straw.

July 1st Kirk Douglas has been on the phone. James Garner can’t wait to make a start on Baby Jane. The sooner the better apparently!

July 19th Such sad news about the death of James Garner. Jimmy was an absolute delight and I shall miss his sense of humour terribly. He had used to have an hilarious message on his answer machine pretending he was called Jim Rockford!

July 21st Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has been released and I have to say that Mickey Serkis puts in one of the worst performances that it’s ever been my misfortune to watch! I’m glad they cut my part from the picture, I’d be embarrassed to be seen with him! I knew it wasn’t going very well when I told the director about my idea for a tea party scene and he just pretended he hadn’t even heard me

 For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 2

The Studio Exec has gained exclusive access to the diaries of veteran thespian Sir Edwin Fluffer. Here we are proud to present selected highlights from his many lows of 2014…

Mar 1st Kirk Douglas phoned: he’s got us a cinematographer for Baby Jane, and it’s none other than Oswald Morris! I haven’t seen old Ossie since I presented him with the Academy Award for Fiddler on the Roof.  Hope he’s forgotten that I spilt my drink down his wife’s dress. It cost me $37 to get it dry cleaned.

Mar 17th Had some sad news today: Oswald Morris has died. I remember when we worked together on Oliver! It was Ossie who suggested to the director that I should stand right at the back and not say anything. James Mason said it was some of the best work I’d ever done, and I have Ossie to thank for that.

Mar 28th Got the new script for this bloody Star Wars thing I’ve got myself muddled up in. I’ll be voicing this robot which spins along like a football, and there’s a love scene with someone called C3P0. I can’t believe that anyone will want to see it.

Apr 1st Just got off the phone to Kirk Douglas: Mickey Rooney has agreed to do Baby Jane! I’m hoping he’ll do the funny voice again, because that was easily the best thing about Breakfast At Tiffany’s. I think one of the Hepburns was in that too. Can’t remember which one, but I got the set if you know what I mean!

Apr 6th Dear old Mickey Rooney’s died.  It was thanks to him that I got my big break in Apache Chaps! There was a scene where Rooney’s character had to open a tin of biscuits but they were on a high shelf and poor Mickey just couldn’t reach them. Ever the trouper he went for another take and tried it on tip toes, but it was still no good. But Mickey’s loss was my gain and the rest as they say is history. I think they were custard creams.

Apr 18th Sat next to lovely Russell Crowe at the Noah premiere and when I woke up again at the end he said all my scenes had been cut!  I thought they would’ve at least kept in the line when I told Noah ‘you can’t park that thing here’, but the studio were desperate to get it down to under three and a half hours and yours truly ended up on the cutting room floor. It’s Apocolypse Now all over again. And Laurence of Arabia. And Gone With The Wind.

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

 

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART ONE

In return for a bottle of gin and some previously unseen photos of Angela Lansbury, The Studio Exec has gained exclusive access to the diaries of veteran thespian Sir Edwin Fluffer. Here we are proud to present selected highlights from his many lows of 2014…

Jan 1st Some unusually good news to start the year: Kirk Douglas phoned to say that our long awaited remake of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane is back on! Saul Zaentz has said he’ll produce and Kirk’s daughter in law has promised to drop him off at the studio when she takes the kids to school.

Jan 3rd Saddened to hear that Saul Zaentz has passed away. I still remember when he fired me from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest! Jack Nicholson absolutely insisted that an American Indian play the Chief, and you have to admire his eye for detail.

Jan 27th Last day of filming on The Expendables 3. I don’t mind admitting that I had a bit of trouble keeping up with some of younger chaps on this shoot. Dear old Arnie does make me laugh: he’s insisting on playing the part with an Austrian accent! Sly says that if I’m still alive for part 4 he’ll make sure there’s a scene for me which is very sweet of him. His mother’s as ravishing as ever and still has all her own thighs.

Feb 1st Kirk phoned to say that Sid Caesar’s signed for Baby Jane. Haven’t seen him since I was dropped from Your Show of Shows. I still maintain that the words that I was alleged to have used were grossly misreported, and in my defence I didn’t even know that Mel Brooks was Jewish. Mel and I are great pals now of course, but try as I might I can’t persuade him to take Spaceballs to Broadway.

Feb 12th Sad to hear that Sid Caesar’s died. I think that I played him in that bio-pic of Julius Caesar that Billy Shakespeare did the screenplay for. Brando was in it and little Johnny Gielgud.  People used to rave about him, but I thought he mumbled terribly.

Feb 23rd Apparently my scenes have been cut from Dallas Buyers Club: I’m furious, I was on nothing but Slim Fast for a fortnight to get into that costume.

Jared Leto never forgave me for that unfortunate incident in the make up trailer, but in my defence it was quite dark in there.