carey mulligan

HOLLYWOOD – Waif-like pixie star of fragile beauty Carey Mulligan – star of An Education, Drive and The Great Gatsby – yesterday vowed to hunt and kill a paparazzo in what is becoming a disturbing new craze among the young and powerful in tinsel town.

‘They’ve had it their way too long,’ said Ms. Mulligan, announcing the first annual Hollywood paparazzi cull. ‘And now it’s our turn.’

Kanye West was arrested for jumping the gun slightly with an early strike on a photographer but cull organizer Hilary Swank put it down to ‘boyish exuberance’ and played down criticism, citing Nicole Kidman’s recent experience as justification.

They stalk us; they call us names and they even ride bikes into us. It’s time for a little pay back.

The cull – which is sponsored by Gucci – will see stars from across the Hollywood spectrum from Kurt Russell to Benedict Cumberbatch going after all photojournalists, armed mainly with diamond embossed throwing stars and decollete crossbows. Ms. Mulligan, however,has proven herself the most blood thirsty enthusiast, vowing to collect scalps which she will wear dripping with gore to the premier of her new film Far From the Madding Crowd.

A spokesman for the LAPD advised photojournalists to stay away from Beverly Hills if they could at all avoid it, but asked if they were going to take any action against Carey and her pals revealed that they were not inclined to ‘as she has such a fresh complexion’.

The 1st Annual Paparazzi Cull last from the 16th of September to the 23rd.

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