Michael Douglas today

CANNES – Everything is going wrong. First of all the sun starts shining. Then Steven Soderbergh makes a film accusing Liberace of homosexuality. Finally I have to spend all afternoon listening to a bunch of assholes pitch story ideas.

Here’s a sample.

  • a mash up of The Titanic and The Shining called the Shite-anic.
  • A white house is attacked by terrorists who believe it is the White House. Called Olympus F*cked Up
  • A sequel to Movie 43 to be called Movie 86.
  • Justin Timberlake gets captured by Armenian terrorists and punched in the face ever three minutes for a week. That wasn’t a movie pitch, so much as an idea I had.
I swear to God someone needs to come to the South of France and rescue me. If I hear a sentence that begins ‘There are these zombies …’ I swear to Kubrick I’ll kick someone right in the ganglies.
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