CAMBRIDGE – The Chancellor of Cambridge University expressed his outrage this morning during a press conference in Venice proclaiming Alfonso Cuaron’s critically acclaimed film Gravity an “Aberration”.

Lord Sainsbury, who attended yesterday’s star studded premiere, has supported the project since it was first mooted back in 2008, but he now claims the draft of the script he saw bears no resemblance to the finished product.

When I read the script is was a straight-up biopic of Isaac Newton. It had everything from the apple falling on his head to the writing of Principia Mathmatica and the formulation of his Laws of Universal Gravitation, and yet the film I saw is about two people messing about in Space.

Sainsbury said he was particularly distressed as he had convinced the Royal Society to invest 10 million pounds to finance the picture.

It looked like a safe bet. Warren Beatty as Newton had box office blockbuster and Academy Award (TM) winner written all over it, but now we’ve got the chap from Return of the Killer Tomatoes and this unknown actress called Sandra Bullock, who nobody has ever heard of. Not only that but I’ve been told that she is into Speed and the Royal Society does not condone the use of amphetamines.

Sainsbury went on to say that he is also becoming  increasingly worried that another film he is involved in, a biopic of the famous industrialist Isambard Kingdom Brunel, will not turn out as he hoped.

I’ve just heard they’ve changed the title from Brunel to Avengers 2: The Age of Ultron but hopefully the script itself hasn’t been tampered with.

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