BRUSSELS – In a move that has been coming for some time and surprised no one C-3PO, humanoid cyborg and protocol droid has been crowned King of Belgium.

The small European country has long adored C-3PO and the far right party – the Volky Volky Bang Bang – has spared no effort to bring about C-3PO’s coronation, including the ousting of present King, Albert the Second.

The VVBB spokesman Pierre La Glue commented:

C-3PO is Belgian. That much is obvious. We are tri-lingual, speaking French, German and Flemish, and King Threepio is adept at over one hundred forms of communication. He is a protocol droid and we in Belgium adore protocol. And he hates black people and we at the VVBB believe they should be DRIVEN INTO THE SEA!!!

The move was however not welcomed by everyone. Prime Minister Elio di Rupo said it ‘was all a bunch of silliness’ and his Belgian Socialist Party released a statement which reads:

C-3PO is a well known bigot and a Holocaust denier. He believes that children should be used as slaves and his sexual politics are, well, from another planet. Not to mention he is a coward. What we at the BSP want to know is why Chewbacca was not even on the shortlist? His love of mayonnaise is the stuff of Wookie legend. And he has none of these reprehensible racial politics which go back to his upbringing on the slave planet of Tatooine. 

However, despite these dissenting voices, the atmosphere in Brussels this morning was quietly jubilant and police were expecting crowds of from thirteen to twenty six people to line the procession route. Some seasoned Star Wars watchers say that the participation of King C-3PO is now in doubt for Episode 7, others seemed confused by the question and seemed unaware that Belgium even existed.

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