bruce willis

HOLLYWOOD – Bruce Willis has woken up.

Star of Pulp Fiction and Die Hard, Bruce Willis woke up today for the first time in well over a decade. A source close to the Moonlighting star told The Studio Exec:

We’re so pleased Bruce is finally awake. He tends to have these very long naps. It was after the wrap party for Unbreakable, and Bruce was yawning. “I might just go up for forty winks,” he said. And that was that. We didn’t see him awake until just yesterday.

But Bruce has made a bunch of movies?

I know, right. Yeah, about that. All we really need to do is put Bruce on wheels, like roller skates, but less conspicuous. Then we give him a little push and he rolls right in front of the cameras.

But he has lines to say.

Yeah, we play him cassettes of the lines he has to read. His sides, for those in the biz. He absorbs them and then mumbles them out.

That’s incredible. I mean he did how many Die Hard movies, and he didn’t wake up?

Funny you should mention that. For the last two Die Hard movies, we actually had to get a doctor in and put him into a deeper sleep. It depends on the piece, but yeah, he was more than drowsy.

Does that mean we can expect a better performance in his next film?

[LAUGHING HEARTILY] Lord no! Well, to begin with, there’s no guarantee he’s going to stay awake for one thing. And you know, acting isn’t really his thing. He’d prefer to be known for his music.

His music?

Yeah. I know.

Return of Bruno 2 is out soon.

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