BRUCE WILLIS: FINANCIAL ADVISOR














Hi, my name’s Bruce Willis.

You may have noticed that when it comes to acting jobs, I’ll take any damn film I’m offered. That’s not just because I’m an empty shell of man and if I’m not working I often find myself sat at my home in Malibu nursing a bottle of Johnny Walker and contemplating putting a loaded revolver in my mouth. 

Sure I have days like that but so do most actors. Hell I know for a fact that Christopher Lambert has attempted suicide at least a 100 times but unfortunately, being a Highlander and all, he can only be killed if he’s decapitated by a sword and if you’ve ever tried to cut your own head off with a claymore, you’ll appreciate what a logistical nightmare that is.

Truth be told I accept any role because I genuinely love money. I love everything about it the feel the smell, the taste. Pop around to my trailer during a shoot and you’ll often catch me pleasuring myself with a fistful of dollars wearing a papier-mache crown fashioned from Japanese yen.  Of course having millions in the bank also enables you to afford the little luxuries in life. Back when I was a bartender in Jersey all I had in my cupboards was a few tins of own brand refried beans and a packet of pop tarts but now that I have to cash to spare, I buy my beans and pop tarts in bulk and often treat myself to family sized box of Ritz biscuits.

During a recent therapy session my psychiatrist suggested that if I passed on some of my financial knowledge I’d feel I was giving something back to the world and this charitable act would, in turn, stop me from praying for death on a daily basis.

So here’s a patented sure fire Willis way of making a little extra cash.

1.      Buy something
2.      Sell it for more than you bought it for.

Easy as that. Drop by next week when I’ll be showing you how premature baldness can get you a tax break.

Later.
(Visited 41 times, 1 visits today)

One thought on “BRUCE WILLIS: FINANCIAL ADVISOR”

  1. I’d say something but taught, “Be nice, true, honest and diplomatic.” Therefore, all I say is that Christopher Lambert is French, not Scottish. His Highlander accent surpasses all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.