BRITAIN IS BANNING FRENCH MOVIES
LONDON – The chairman of the BFI has sent shockwaves through the world of cinema this morning after he tabled a motion to send all French movies back to where they came from.
“Great Britain has always mistrusted French cinema and it’s time we got rid and concentrated on supporting good old fashioned British cinema,” said Josh Berger.
People want change and it’s happening right now. I saw some patriotic old ladies smashing up copies of A bout de souffle on my way to work and I hear they burnt an effigy of François Truffaut in Doncaster last night. Finally the people in this country will be able to go down to their multiplex and be free of subtitles and the noxious stench of garlic and onions. What a glorious time to be alive.
Berger went on to say that banning French cinema is just the first victory in his long crusade:
Russian revolutionary cinema? No thanks, comrade. Italian Neorealism? Arrivederci, sunshine. German Expressionism? Go fuck yourself, Fritz.
Some well respected members of the British film industry have condemned Berger’s campaign but others, including Sir Michael Caine, are right behind him:
I like Josh Berger, he’s a good lad and you know, I quite like France, I’ve got a villa there but just because I like the cheese that don’t mean I like their movies. I mean, I can’t bloody understand them for one thing, it’s like they’re in another bloody language or something.