Thursday 1 October 2020
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LONDON – James Bond producer Barbara Broccoli has confirmed that Doctor Who scribe Steven Moffat has completed the first draft of the upcoming Bond film Time Spies.

Directed by Skyfall helmer Sam Mendes, Time Spies will feature the current 007 Daniel Craig pursuing his previous incarnations who have travelled through time and united to destroy MI6 and bring down the British government for unspecified reasons.

George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan have all signed on to return as Bond but so far Sean Connery is playing hard ball:

“Sean is such an asshole,” said an angry Broccoli.

He wants 5% of the gross and he refuses to work weekdays. I still haven’t forgiven him for that Never Say Never Again crap. I mean, he’s not even playing the real Bond, he’s playing a cyborg created by Blofeld! Oh dear. I’ve said too much haven’t I?

The Studio Exec tried to contact Connery for a comment but his agent said he was too busy playing golf. Woody Allen, on the other hand, had this to say:

I don’t understand why they didn’t ask me. I played James Bond in the original Casino Royale. I feel rejected, cast out. I’m 00-leper, license to rot in obscurity. You know I told my therapist about it and he…

Time Spies is due for release in 2015.

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