Tuesday 19 January 2021
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HOLLYWOOD – Blake Lively is to star in a remake of Blake’s 7.

The Gossip Girl actress, Blake Lively will star in a remake of the 70s BBC sci-fi series, Blake’s 7, according to an announcement from her management earlier today.

‘Because her first name is Blake,’ explained her manager. ‘She’s a natural for the part. It’s a no brainer. There will be space ships and Klingons and Daleks and Yodas. The whole thing is gonna really unify the science fiction fan base out there. As we all know, they are quite open to Hollywood playing around with their Trek Wars franchises. They’ll lap it up for years to come, time and time again.’

‘We got a great idea for the rest of the cast also. Because his name is also Blake, Blake Anderson from Workaholics will star alongside Blake. We’re also in talks with Tim Blake Nelson from Oh Brother Where Art Thou to star as Avon and also some British guy from The Inbetweeners called Blake Harrison. We looked into getting Blake Edwards to make the thing, but apparently there was scheduling clash, what with him being dead and all. Because of that we’ll probably be going in different direction with our showrunner.’

‘There was an idea floating around to get Robert Blake, but you know, the whole murdery thing was a bit, well, you know. So anyways, if we can’t find any more Blakes out there we’ll just change the name of the show. Something like Blake’s 4, or The 4 Blakes, or Blake, Blake, Blake and Blake. That last one’s my idea, it’s a real zinger of a name. You betcha.’

‘We’re getting calls from some douche called Ryan Reynolds. Because of the Blake Lively situation. We keep having to say to him, ‘We’d love you for this show, Ryan. We really would. It’s a no go before it’s even started, baby. Because your name’s not Blake’. So that can be pretty awkward as this dude is calling us like five or six times a day. I think it’s too much of that Aviator Gin he’s always peddling over on Instagram, if you want my opinion.’

‘We don’t have any major network interest at the moment. But if it comes to it, we can always get Netflix to cough up the moola for this, I mean, did you ever see that show Hollywood? What the fuck was all that about?!’

Blake’s 7 or Blake’s 4 or The 4 Blakes or Blake, Blake, Blake and Blake starts shooting in the fall.

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