HOLLYWOOD – Noted comedian, screen actor and Woody Allen hater, Billy Crystal was cooling his heels in a Los Angeles prison cell this afternoon after having been arrested in Seth MacFarlane’s garden armed with blow darts and a pipe.

Many have reported that Mr. Crystal was furious at being overlooked as host of the upcoming Oscars and had vowed to ‘get his own back on that cartoon asshole.’

The news comes just days after James Franco – in an interview with top class French cultural magazine Chapeau – accused the City Slicker of having drugged his hash cookies prior to Mr. Franco’s own disastrous   stint as host. ‘I don’t know what he put in them, but Jeez I was barely keeping it together,’ said an obviously shaken Mr. Franco. ‘For half the ceremony I hallucinated Anne Hathaway and I only do that on Peyote usually.’
The LAPD revealed that according to the forensic report the darts contained a slow acting toxin that would produce a diarrhea so violent as to turn the body ‘inside out, like a sock from the laundry’. Mr. Crystal is also being question about the disappearance of Mike Myers, but police were quick to point out that was just idle curiosity on their parts.

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