HOLLYWOOD – Sad news out of Hollywood today, Bill Murray – famous for Stripes and Caddyshack – died at 5:04 PM on August 10th, 1992.

Director Harold Ramis, speaking on behalf of the Murray estate, made the announcement today outside of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. According to Ramis, Murray died shortly after shooting ended on Groundhog Day when – after a few drinks – Murray grabbed the visiting Punxsutawney Phil, the famed groundhog and the animal viciously attacked him.

“Bill just laid there bleeding,” said Ramis, choking up. “He says to me ‘it can’t end like this, don’t let anyone know I was killed by a cuddly little animal.’ So we kept it quiet.” To continue the late actor’s career, Ramis turned to psychic and author Milton Angland, famous for his “End of the World” guest spot on The World of Psychics. Angland was able to contact the deceased actor at Ramis’s home, mainly in his bathroom.
“He used to scream at me while I was on the toilet,” Harold said.

 Capturing the actor on film was a greater challenge. The search for film stock ended up in Germany, after a tip from Sylvester Stallone’s agent. Inventor Henry Assenfurter created a nitrate parachromatic film stock. The stock is very expensive, which explains why its so hard for producers to get Bill Murray in their films. Ramis told reporters he was breaking his silence now in order to put an end to “this Ghostbusters 3 nonsense.”

The delay on the third entry to the Ghostbusters franchise has now been explained. However, although Murray’s participation now seems to be out of the question, Dan Aykroyd insisted there still was hope. “Come on, people,” said an inebriated Aykyroyd. “He’s a ghost ghost buster. It’s perfect!”

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