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Monday 24 September 2018
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BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH’S FEET INSURED FOR £50

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH’S FEET INSURED FOR £50

HOLLYWOOD – Top insurance firm have insured Benedict Cumberbatch’s feet for £50.

Sherlock and Doctor Strange actor Benedict Cumberbatch is a man of many talents. But perhaps his most widely appreciated are his feet. So much so that the actor has taken out an insurance policy with Dombey and Co Insurers to the tune of £50. We talked to Mr. Karol Dombey himself about his most famous client.

We didn’t actually know who Mr. Cumberbatch was until last Wednesday when he turned up to our offices in flip flops. When he told us he wanted his feet insured, we understood that they are apparently one of his most valuable assets.

How so?

Well, to begin with, the feet support the rest of his alabaster body and maintain its upright position which many find endearing.

And so if anything happens to his feet…?

Then we will compensate him to the tune of £50.

What if something happens to just one foot?

Then it will be £25 a foot. £50 for the set.

Does this cover just accidents or also ailments?

Ailments?

Like athlete’s foot for instance. Or an ingrowing toenail.

No. That doesn’t sound serious enough. We’re more thinking of a scything accident or a landmine. In fact both those eventualities were very specifically laid out in the policy. But athlete’s foot? I mean what’s that? It’s just itchy isn’t it? You can’t insure itchiness!

Why are his feet so valuable?

It’s a sex thing. Obvs. People look at his feet and they feel all weird. Sick and happy at the same time. Like you’ve been tickled too much.

But £50 doesn’t sound that much. I mean, he’s worth millions. 

Maybe not to you, but I’m sure you haven’t factored in the money he’d save on shoes should he lose his feet. So overall he’d be well off, should anything happen. We’re not talking penises here, after all.

I suppose not.

You suppose not.

Patrick Melrose is currently on television.

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