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Wednesday 22 January 2020
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BEN AFFLECK HAS FOUR FINGERS AND A THUMB

BEN AFFLECK HAS FOUR FINGERS AND A THUMB

HOLLYWOOD – Photographic confirmation arrived today that the new Batman, Ben Affleck has four fingers and a thumb at the end of his left arm appendage.

Finally the mystery of what is on the end of Ben Affleck’s left wrist has been conclusively solved as British newspaper The Daily Mirror showed that he had the regular four fingers and a thumb. Although not the most attractive hand in the business – that belongs to David Duchovny – there are no irregular protrusions or weird bulbous effigies but rather a perfectly ordinary number of digits. Best friend Matt Damon instantly leapt to the defence of his best friend.

People have been going on for what seems like centuries about Ben’s hand ever since Pearl Harbor – and I mean the actual Japanese attack, not the movie – has he got a hand? What’s he hiding? It’s absolutely ridiculous. What with the divorce already weighing on his shoulders, you could at least let the man have the privacy of his own hands! Don’t you think?

However, other industry insiders were wondering why it took Affleck so long to reveal his hand. Willem Dafoe, a longstanding advocate for hands, said:

It doesn’t help when a star of Ben Affleck’s stature leaves his hand in his pocket all the time or puts it in some kind of glove. It makes it look like he has something to hide and simply encourages speculation.

Silence of the Lambs director, Jonathan Demme called for calm and understanding.

I mean this guy was fundamental in saving the world from that asteroid a few years ago. Something that everyone seems to have conveniently forgotten. We should definitely cut him some slack. He’s got a hand. In our heart of hearts we all knew that he would have. And just because someone doesn’t go around waving it around like Duchovny doesn’t mean a thing.

Batman v Superman will be released in 2016.

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