At first I didn’t think I’d be able to fit it into my busy schedule. What with Russia invading the Ukraine, the humanitarian crisis in Syria, unemployment, social inequality, deforestation, CIA spying and the ever present threat of a global nuclear holocaust but I spoke to Joe Biden and he said he’d pick up the slack whilst I’m filming.
Obama went on to describe how he is preparing to play the legendarily liberal comic:
I’ve been freebasing three times a day for the last month. I figured if I was going to play the man I’d have to understand the man so I’ve been hitting the pipe and snorting large amounts of cocaine. Sometimes off the backside of various hookers and sometimes just off Michelle. It’s been hard work but before anybody starts complaining about the President of the United States ingesting large quantities of drugs, I tell the American people not to worry. No narcotics were purchased with your tax dollars. I just asked the police to send every drug they seized during their daily busts over to The White House.
Well there are so many. Let me think. Okay I got one. “I’m not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.” Ha-Ha. I hear you Richard. I hear you.