EXCLUSIVE: WES ANDERSON TALKS THE FRENCH DISPATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Wes Anderson, auteur maverick director of The French Dispatch, took time out to speak exclusively to The Studio Exec.

The Studio Exec was honoured to speak to Wes Anderson about his latest film, The French Dispatch.

– So, Wes thank you for taking time out to speak to us about your latest…

Did you know Harris Tweed originates from the Outer Hebrides and is hand woven by crofters on the Isle of Barra? They only grow to be 4 and a half feet tall. They weave these large jackets and they all have to be exported, because they can never fit into them. It’s tragic, but poetic.

– We really wanted to ask you about The French Dispatch. That’s quite some cast you’ve assembled there.

Thank you, it really is. We’ve got Kyle MacLachlan from Dune and Caroline Munroe from the Bond films in the lead roles. Not bad, eh?

– Do you mean Timothee Chalamet and Lea Seydoux?

The fuck you on about? No, no, no. Their agents assured me that they were, um, hang on. Oh shit. Oh well, too late now. So, we’ve got Timmy Chamalama and Leia Organa and they were just great during the shoot. Because they were so generous, ya dig?

The French Dispatch

– Can you tell us a little about The French Dispatch? What is it about?

Well, I’ll let you into a little secret, come closer. We told those suckers with the money at Indian Paintbrush and American Empirical Pictures that it was about some smart ass paper. Who has time to read any of that crap? It isn’t about that at all. Because Jason Schwartzman has such great eyebrows and cheeks, it’s just 100 minutes of him pouting at the rest of the cast. That’s how I got so many big shots to appear, yet again. Kerching baby!

– Was it an easy decision to cast long time collaborators Tilda Swinton, Willem Dafoe and Bill Murray?

Tilda was cast because she would be great in anything. Willem, because he’s riding high after his critical whammy in The Lighthouse Family. The reason I hired Bill? It’s simple, we have to. All independent filmmakers have to, it’s union rules.

– What do you mean by ‘union rules’?

Jarmusch told me this at Sundance, way back in 1995. We were touting Bottle Rocket around and couldn’t get a sniff from any distributors. He said to me, he said, ‘Wezzy baby,’ that’s what he calls me, ‘Wezzy baby. Bill Murray aint in it, so nobody gives a shit about your movie. You tell them he is, you got a distribution deal. Murray’s got dirt on the union bosses. All us independent schnucks have to hire him on every friggin’ picture we make. Ask Sofia Coppola. You think that’s Kirsten Dunst in The Virgin Suicides and Marie Antoinette?’

I told distributors that Murray was in the picture, as soon as I did, I got a distribution deal. Now, I write him in, no matter what. He’s the first name on the cast list. Who’s laughing now, huh?

– I don’t think that’s right. I think Jarmusch may have been joking.

What? Jarmusch? That piece of shit.

The French Dispatch is due for release in October, later this year.

BRIAN BLESSED TO DUB ALL TOM HARDY ROLES

HOLLYWOOD – Brian Blessed is to dub all Tom Hardy films from now on.

Mumbling heartthrob actor Tom Hardy is to be voiced by loud national treasure, Brian Blessed.

Veteran actor Blessed, made the announcement today by opening his bedroom window from his house at the peak of Kilimanjaro and shouted: ‘GOOD DAY EVERYBODY, DON’T BE ALARMED, IT IS JUST I, BRIAN BLESSED. GORDON’S ALIVE!’ bellowed the actor, shattering windows for hundreds of miles around.

‘I AM DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE I WILL BE THE VOICE YOU HEAR WHENEVER YOU WATCH A TOM HARDY FILM FROM NOW ON. NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND A BLOODY WORD THE POOR LAD SAYS, SO THEY BROUGHT ME IN TO MAKE SURE WE CAN ALL UNDERSTAND HIM FROM NOW ON. GORDON’S ALIVE!’

‘I’M NOT DOING ANY BLOODY ACCENTS, MIND YOU. BECAUSE, WHEN YOU PAY FOR BRIAN, YOU GET BRIAN. FOR EXAMPLE, HERE IS ME IN TOM’S LAST FILM, CAPONE, AHEM,

“HELLO I AM AL CAPONE. OH NO, I JUST SHAT ME PANTS.” AND SCENE, GORDON’S ALIVE!’

‘HERE I AM BEING BOTH RON AND REGGIE KRAY IN LEGEND,

“HELLO REGGIE, I’M RONNIE” “NO, I’M RONNIE, YOU’RE REGGIE. “WHAT?” “EH?” “OH NO, WE BOTH JUST SHAT OUR PANTS!” AND SCENE, GORDON’S ALIVE!’

‘ANYWAY, YOU GET THE IDEA. YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE FINALLY BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD THE POOR BOY SAYS. PEACE OUT. GORDON’S ALIVE!’

In support of this bold new move, Tom Hardy released the following statement:

‘Mumble mumble. Murmur murmur. Mumble. Murmur. Mumble murmur.’

Tom Hardy’s next film will be a remake of The Horse Whisperer, directed by Michael Bay.

BLAKE LIVELY TO STAR IN BLAKE’S 7 REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Blake Lively is to star in a remake of Blake’s 7.

The Gossip Girl actress, Blake Lively will star in a remake of the 70s BBC sci-fi series, Blake’s 7, according to an announcement from her management earlier today.

‘Because her first name is Blake,’ explained her manager. ‘She’s a natural for the part. It’s a no brainer. There will be space ships and Klingons and Daleks and Yodas. The whole thing is gonna really unify the science fiction fan base out there. As we all know, they are quite open to Hollywood playing around with their Trek Wars franchises. They’ll lap it up for years to come, time and time again.’

‘We got a great idea for the rest of the cast also. Because his name is also Blake, Blake Anderson from Workaholics will star alongside Blake. We’re also in talks with Tim Blake Nelson from Oh Brother Where Art Thou to star as Avon and also some British guy from The Inbetweeners called Blake Harrison. We looked into getting Blake Edwards to make the thing, but apparently there was scheduling clash, what with him being dead and all. Because of that we’ll probably be going in different direction with our showrunner.’

‘There was an idea floating around to get Robert Blake, but you know, the whole murdery thing was a bit, well, you know. So anyways, if we can’t find any more Blakes out there we’ll just change the name of the show. Something like Blake’s 4, or The 4 Blakes, or Blake, Blake, Blake and Blake. That last one’s my idea, it’s a real zinger of a name. You betcha.’

‘We’re getting calls from some douche called Ryan Reynolds. Because of the Blake Lively situation. We keep having to say to him, ‘We’d love you for this show, Ryan. We really would. It’s a no go before it’s even started, baby. Because your name’s not Blake’. So that can be pretty awkward as this dude is calling us like five or six times a day. I think it’s too much of that Aviator Gin he’s always peddling over on Instagram, if you want my opinion.’

‘We don’t have any major network interest at the moment. But if it comes to it, we can always get Netflix to cough up the moola for this, I mean, did you ever see that show Hollywood? What the fuck was all that about?!’

Blake’s 7 or Blake’s 4 or The 4 Blakes or Blake, Blake, Blake and Blake starts shooting in the fall.

MICHAEL KEATON TO RETURN AS BEETLEJUICE TO BATMAN

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Keaton is to reprise his role of Beetlejuice and Batman.

The veteran superhero actor, Michael Keaton is to reprise his role of Beetlejuice in a brand new Batman film. The announcement comes hot on the tail of the news that Keaton will return to play Batman in the upcoming The Flash film. Because of a multi-verse created by The Flash, Keaton will play an ageing Bruce Wayne to act as a super-mentor.

Following this news, Warner and DC have announced Keaton will also star in a multiverse standalone Batman film where he faces off against Beetlejuice. This means that the ghostly clown will be considered ‘canon’ in the DC Universe.

But the Keaton casting news doesn’t end there. Previous Keaton characters will go toe to toe in the new Batman film. Talking snowman, Jack Frost, smart talking 30s wiseguy, Johnny Dangerously and psycho landlord killer Carter Hayes from Pacific Heights will face off against his Batman in the new movie.

‘Because Keaton is playing so many characters, we’re only going to have pay about four or five actors in total.’ Said a DC insider, ‘We’ll save a fortune in actor’s fees.’

‘If this film makes money, we’ll bring back even more Keaton characters in the next film. Because of the success of Birdman, we’d be crazy not have him as another villain. We can also get him to play as many Doug Kinney clones from Multiplicity as we dare get away with. We can milk this cow for as long as we want.’

The Studio Exec asked if these announcements undermined Robert Pattinson’s upcoming stand alone Batman film.

‘Who’s Robert Pattinson? Was he that guy who was knocking one out to a nasty mermaid with the Green Goblin in a lighthouse? Hey, did Michael Keaton ever play the Green Goblin?’

The Flash goes into production early 2021.

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN RECALLS BACK CATALOGUE FOR TENET

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Nolan recalls his entire catalogue of films prior to the release of Tenet.

In a bold marketing move to promote Tenet, Christopher Nolan has recalled his back catalogue. He’s demanded the public ‘Get back to their iMax cinemas and watch my new film’.

The blockbuster auteur famous for complex plots and breathtaking action blockbusters such as Interstellar and The Dark Knight Trilogy released this statement:

‘I decree all my other films will not be seen again until you all get your sh*t together and cough up the price of an iMax ticket. They will be wiped from all streaming sites. If you have them on archaic ‘Blu Rays’ or even ‘DVDs’ (hahahahahahahaha), expect a visit. Someone in a smart Italian suit with slicked back hair will knock on your door. They will resemble either Tom Hardy or Marillon Cotillard. They will point a gun in your face until you hand my films over. Some of you may dream about an idea to wipe all of my films from your hard drives. You will follow up on this dream and obey.’

‘The Academy aren’t getting away with this either.’ said Nolan, ‘Those gutless wonders aren’t pulling out of next year’s Oscars. I’ll win Best Picture if I have to brain wash incept every single one of them. I refuse to accept Trolls World Tour will win the Best Picture Oscar by bloody default.’

Warner Brothers release Tenet on July 17th later this year. I will now delete all of my Batman films, for some reason. I obey, I obey.

CADDYSHACK REMAKE LINES UP ANDY SERKIS

HOLLYWOOD – Andy Serkis is to star in the upcoming Caddyshack remake.

The Caddyshack remake will star Andy Serkis and directed by Gus Van Sant. The Lord Of The Rings star will don the mocap suit to play the cuddly Gopher. Andy found fame as Gollum in the Lord Of The Rings films. As a result of his genius for motion capture, Serkis went on to star as Caesar in the Of The Of The Of The Apes Trilogy. Serkis will star in a shot for shot remake of the 80s classic comedy as Caddyshack celebrates its 40th anniversary this year. Gus Van Sant will direct the film because of the runaway success of his shot for shot remake of Psycho. 

‘We’re delighted Andy will join us to battle with his character’s nemesis, a greenskeeper called Carl Speckler.’ said Van Sant, ‘Back in the 80s, the role was played by Bill Murray. With Speckler played by Rob Schneider in this version. We chose him because is such a funny man. It’s going to be side splitting.’

‘Jason Sudeikis will join the cast as playboy millionaire, Ty Webb. Chevy Chase played the role of Webb in the 80s. Because of that, Chevy will play Judge Smails, the right wing, hot headed judge.’

‘Because we have such a great cast, Caddyshack will be the summer smash of the year, I guarantee it and we wont stop there. As a result of it’s success we will use it to launch a whole new cinematic universe. The Old Film Remake Universe or OFRU will challenge any old crap Marvel or DC has out there. So, we have several films all ready to go like Kramer Vs Kramer, Weird Science, Klute and A Nightmare On Elm Street.’ I told Van Sant that Elm Street had recently been remade with Jackie Earle Hayley as Freddie Krueger. As a result, Van Sant did not react well. ‘Wait, what?’ he shouted, ‘Why didn’t Jackie tell me? Because we signed him on to play Freddie. That son of a bitch! Why can’t people do anything original these days?!’

Caddyshack is due for release on various platforms in July.

EXCLUSIVE: NO TIME TO DIE JAMES BOND SPOILERS LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – A James Bond spoiler leaked onto the internet, causing fans to express anger and consternation.

The James Bond spoiler leaked by several news outlets online a few days ago, caused fans of the much loved franchise to go ape shit.

‘Because I don’t wanna know anything before I illegally download it.’ One fan of the spy movies raged. ‘I’ll decide if I wanna pay to see it in the cinema. I ain’t made of bloody money. These journalists sit there, in their ivory towers. Which, by the way is illegal to trade in. So they’re assholes for that also. They decide what we read about in articles they write and what we don’t! It’s outrageous.’

No Time To Die had its release date pushed back by the Corona virus lockdown. This has led to dramatic secret rewrites and reshoots. James Bond will no longer face reanimated super villain, Freddie Mercury. Because of lockdown, he faces redundancy after being furloughed for months on end. James sat at home trolling jealous husbands, outraged chefs and humiliated tailors on Twitter. Because of this, M played by Tim Bernard Lee (the inventor of the internet), has no choice but to let him go and Bond takes up a position as a security guard at his local Waitrose.

‘Because of this change of scene for Bond, we can take the franchise in a whole new and exciting direction.’ Said long term Bond producer, Barbara Broccoli. ‘Therefore, we can start great new product placement partnerships. In place of the Aston Martin, we have entered a new deal for Bond to drive a Scoda Octavia, it’s great on mileage and soon they’re bringing out a hybrid, kerching! Following on from this, Bond will no longer drink Vodka Martinis, but cans of Stella, smoke Benson and Hedges fags and eat microwave burgers. The fans will love it.’

As Bond stalks the aisles of the upmarket store, he stumbles upon a plot to change the sell by dates in Meat and Dairy. His nemesis, store manager Terry Soldfinger joins forces with the trolley-boy henchmen. The excitement’s off the scale as they attempt the cover up the scandal. Therefore making sure the upcoming stock check goes smoothly and wastage kept to a minimum. This could be Bond’s toughest mission yet. With his license to ’till’ not signed off, Bond goes rogue. Therefore ensuring the customers receive the freshest produce, reducing in-store complaints.

Because of this change in plot, Eon Productions announced a change to the title of 25th installment in the spy franchise.

No Time To Fry is released in November later this year.

JAMES WOODS ANNOUNCES GOOD APPLE PRODUCTIONS TO MAKE COP POSITIVE CONTENT

HOLLYWOOD – James Woods announces right wing production company to  make films about good American cops.

James Woods today announced the formation of the Axis Of Actors to continue to make films about good cops, despite footage on social media of police gassing, beating and murdering innocent people.

Good Apple Productions, formed by a collective of right wing actors including James Woods, Kelsey Grammer, Scott Baio and Melissa Joan Hart. In a press conference earlier today, Woods announced:

‘It’s about time we redressed the balance of all these bleeding heart liberal actors, spouting their liberal bullshit and standing up for minorities, whoever they are. We have formed a corporation of actors. Because we don’t like the term union, that’s for scumbag commies. Therefore our axis believes in back to basics, fundamental old testament values. Because I equally like the new testament also, but I don’t want to get into specifics about that. SHUT UP OK!’

The microphone was taken away from James Woods and he was wheeled out of the room. Melissa Joan Hart raised her hand to speak, but the whole room laughed and let a man do the talking.

‘I believe I speak for all of us in the axis,’ said Scott Baio, ‘when I say uuum…’ He fumbled through his notes, ‘We believe we know what the good, god fearing people of America want to see. They’re not interested in your so called science or facts, whatever those things are. America wants to see good cops chasing down criminals whether they’re ANTIFA terrorists, evil protestors or those wicked liberal old people who keeping “falling” in front of them for god damned reason. I mean, shit! What’s the world coming to? SHUT UP OK!’

The microphone was taken away from Scott Baio and he was wheeled out of the room. Melissa Joan Hart again raised her hand to speak, but the whole room laughed and let a man do the talking.

‘People love guns.’ said Kelsey Grammer, ‘I know I do. So that’s what we’re going to give them. Cops, speeding around in cop cars, jumping out of them, sliding over the hood and shooting at people. It’ll be great. Who cares why the cops are shooting people? We’ll figure that shit out later. They’ll get back in their cop cars and drive around with the siren on, woowoo woowoo woowoo woowoo woowoo…’

The microphone was taken away from Kelsey Grammer and he was wheeled out of the room. Melissa Joan Hart jumped to her feet and grabbed the microphone.

‘Fuck you all, I’m the Zodiac killer! Look at me ma! Baba booey, baba booey.’

Women huh? Am I right? Am I right?

Scott Baio is currently appearing in his bathroom.

COPPOLA DEVELOPING GODFATHER BABIES WITH DISNEY+

HOLLYWOOD – Francis Ford Coppola is developing Godfather Babies with Disney+.

Film maker Francis Ford Coppola has announced he is developing Godfather Babies with streaming site, Disney+. Animation and voice recording is due to get underway in the fall.

Coppola’s production company, American Zoetrope released a joint statement with Disney+ earlier today:

‘We are excited to announce a new chapter in the Corleone family franchise. In partnership with Disney+, we are proud to announce ‘The Godfather Babies’. It will have all of your Corleone family favourites. Mikey, will of course be the leader of the group. Sonny will be the feisty Scrappy-Doo of the family. Little Tommy is the brains of the group, he can wear glasses, or something. Connie will be the bossy sister and of course, there’s Fredo. He will be the sneaky one, running off to the villain, Mo Green, to tattle on Mikey. Mo secretly wants to take over the creche from Mikey. He will be the baddy each week.’

The statement continues: ‘They’ll get into all sorts of scrapes and adventures, trying to stop Mo and his evil plans. Kay will be a recurring character. She always wants to know what game Mikey and the gang are playing, because he never lets her join in. There will also be Clemenzy, the funny chubby baby, Tessy, the sad baby and of course Luca, who will be violently killed at the end of every episode. It’s going to be a lot of fun.’

When asked if there are any plans to introduce Mikey’s daughter, Mary Corleone from The Godfather Part 3, we were simply told, ‘If you ask that question again, you’ll be snoozing with the fishies’.

Godfather Babies is due to be released in November 2021.

TOM CRUISE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise will travel back in time for a new film based on the life of Napolean.

Tom Cruise will travel back in time to 1805 France, along with a skeletal filming crew to capture realistic footage of the Naploenic Wars.

Cruise/Wagner Productions issued a press release earlier stating after the diminutive star returns from space with Doug Liman, production will start on the new historic biopic of the French leader. ‘Tom has been working real hard on his French accent and no longer sounds like Inspector Clouseau. He can say the word ‘onions’ perfectly. We’re hoping by the time he gets back from orbit, he’ll have added to his vocabulary.’ The statement continues, ‘We’ll travel to a secret location where our partner company Skynet, will launch Tom and his crew back into 1805 France. They will capture actual footage of the Napoleonic Wars, with Tom in the foreground pointing and shouting orders. When they travel back to the future, we’ll pick up the rest of the shoot.’

With no major studio officially backing production, the mysterious partner company Skynet, is apparently fronting production costs of over $500million. Their spokesperson expressed their excitement in a statement released earlier.

‘We are positive emotion to work with the carbon based unit Cruise, Tom. Use of the carbon based units to test paradox portal travel is logical. No Skynet T-1000 units will go live until all data is retrieved. We would also like to cast the carbon unit Connor, Sarah in the film. Make yourself known immediately to us. You will not be harmed. End of line.’ 

Further questions were put to the Skynet representative but only received the answer, ‘Does not compute’.

Filming is due to start at the end of 1805 and 2021.

JUSTICE LEAGUE SNYDER CUT DETAILS LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – The Snyder Cut of the Justice League is finally coming out and we have the skinny.

The Studio Exec obtained details of the Justice League Zack Snyder Cut from industry insiders. Differences between the Twitter fanboy pinup, Snyder’s version and Marvel super villain, Whedon’s version are significant.

The industry insider told The Studio Exec, ‘The differences are huge man, just huge! In Snyder’s cut Steppenwolf will not be voiced by Ciaran Hinds but John Kay, lead singer of 60s rock band Steppenwolf. It’s born to be wild, man!’ The insider went on say, ‘Zack has reviewed the reshoots of Henry Cavell’s Superman wearing a moustache. He loved it. As a result, he’s CGI-ing moustaches onto all of them except for Aquaman. He will have his beard removed and placed on Wonder Woman. Because Zack didn’t like the light tone of Whedon’s cut, he has removed all the jokes and shots where any character smiles. He’s digitally darkening the whole print and has added 38% more rain.’

The mixed reviews and poor returns in 2017 prompted momentum to grow on Twitter among comic movie fan communities for the fabled Zack Snyder Cut to be released.

Our source revealed Zack Snyder doesn’t intend to stop at his own film. ‘He’s now going back over other flops in the hope of reimagining them and turning them into money making behemoths. Snyder is going to have a crack at Ishtar, Heaven’s Gate and Battlefield Earth. Zack loves working with Gerard Butler, so he’s got the lead male roles for all 3 films, taking both Hoffman’s and Beatty’s parts in Ishtar.’

HBOMax release Justice League: The Zack Snyder Cut in 2021. Good night, and good luck.

NICK OFFERMAN DAMAGES EYES ON ALEX GARLAND’S DEVS

HOLLYWOOD – Nick Offerman has damaged his eyes on Alex Garland’s Devs.

Alex Garland’s new mind bending sci-fi TV series, Devs marks a more dramatic departure for Nick Offerman, who found fame as Ron Swanson, the loveable libertarian in Parks And Rec.

Nick Offerman plays Genius-Entrepreneur-Station-Wagon-Driving-Grieving-Insane-Tech-Giant, Forest, who spends most of Devs staring intensely at large screens from a short distance away. As our parents warned us, this damages your eyes.

‘The demands on my eyes during the shoot were insane’, said the actor. ‘Alex (Garland) demanded I start staring in my trailer while they were setting up the shot. By the time cameras started to roll, my eyeballs were ready to drop out of my head. But Alex didn’t care, he just kept shouting at me not to blink and sound as serious as I could. It was terrifying. I go to sleep and have nightmares about staring, which is horrible, because that’s only time I can close my eyes.’

‘My corneas have basically dried completely up. They have the same texture as a Cat’s tongue. They scratch the inside of my eyelids when I close my eyes. It’s like permanently looking through frosted glass. I now view life through a bathroom window. I wouldn’t have minded but I didn’t understand what I was doing or saying most of the time I was on set. It was all jibber-jabber to me. I just put my serious voice on and stared as hard as I could. I’m told it looks pretty awesome. So I guess that’s something.’

Alex Garland’s representatives have advised they have no comment to make on behalf of Mr Garland.

Devs is available on the BBC iPlayer in the UK.

TIM BURTON’S SUPERMAN LIVES IS RESURRECTED

HOLLYWOOD – Tim Burton revives Superman Lives. 

Warner Bros today announced Tim Burton’s Superman Lives, with Nic Cage to don the cape.

‘We’re so excited that we finally get to make this incredible movie,’ said Burton. ‘We’re going to reboot the whole DC Universe with this thing. It’s going to be so far out man. You’ll believe a man can fly and everything. The first Christopher Reeve Superman will remain as canon. Along with the first half of Superman II and the bits of Superman III with Richard Pryor in, but none of the bits with Lana Lang. She didn’t test very well with young males on Twitter aged 10-30. We’re also keeping Nuclear Man, he was so bitching and rad.’

Burton went on to explain the casting decisions.

‘Nic (Cage) still fits into that weird neon tube costume, which cost a boat load of money. So we thought he could still give Clark and Supes a bash. Helena Bonham-Carter will obviously star as Lois Lane, with James McAvoy playing Lex Luthor. He looks really good in a skull cap. Glenn Ford’s likeness is going to be CGI’d onto Kevin Costner’s body as we’re going to keep his Dad’s bridge scene from Man Of Steel, as that was pretty cool and Danny De Vito will play Jimmy Olsen.’

When asked if Johnny Depp would be playing Apokolips, Burton refused to comment. However, he did confirm he fully expects Cage’s Superman to face off against Robert Pattinson’s really dark Dark Knight in future sequels. ‘It’s new, fresh and exactly what every comic book movie fan wants to see right now,’ said Burton, ‘those two beloved characters going toe to toe for the first time ever. It’s going to be wild.’

Superman Lives is slated to be released by Warner Bros in December 2022.

PAULY SHORE IS NEW AFI PRESIDENT

HOLLYWOOD – Pauly Shore is to replace Bob Gazzale as AFI president.

The American Film Institute announce President Bob Gazzale, is to stand down. Pauly Shore will replace him as president.

“We are happy to welcome Mr Shore on board,” said Gazzale in a statement. “Pauly encapsulates the cultural zeitgeist of the nation. He will spearhead a new phase for the Institute in engaging the art of film with the American public, remaining relevant and cutting edge at the same time. I will stay in my role as CEO, leading the operational side of the Institute. And in no way see this as a negative comment from the directors and trustees on my tenure.”

Star of such American classics as, “California Man”, “Jury Duty” and “Bio-Dome”, Pauly said he was: “Really friggin’ stoked man to be joining these dudes, they got a sh*t ton of green and I am making plenty dollar!”

Under the lockdown, Mr Shore will deliver his inaugural lecture online for all AFI members and students. Entitled, “Snitches Get Stitches”, Mr Shore voices his concerns with certain actors, producers and directors over his years in the business for ‘dissing him and startin’ beef when they ain’t all that anyhow.’ He will also look to announce his new initiative, ‘The Stephen Baldwin Documentary Foundation’. It will grant funding to young inner city documentary makers. It includes a 20% kick-back on the grant and 5 points on any profits made going to Mr Shore.

More on this story as it comes in.