CALIFORNIA – Yesterday an interior decorator working on the library at George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch stumbled upon a secret room containing a horde of ancient artifacts. “I couldn’t believe my eyes”, said Francis Chipper who works for the elite design company Swag :
I was in the library and I noticed a first edition copy of The Name of The Rose on the middle shelf. I pulled it out to take a closer look when all of a sudden the bookcase opened and I found myself at the entrance to a secret chamber full of large wooden crates. I couldn’t resist having a peek inside a few of them and I was shocked at what I discovered.
Francis was at first reluctant to describe exactly what he found as he’d heard rumours of a Lucas Arts hit-squad but after we assured him the notorious team of assassins had officially disbanded in 1998 he felt safe enough to reveal all:
Well he definitely has the Ark of the Covenant. The choir of angels that appeared when I opened the crate was a bit of a giveaway. I didn’t want to open the actual Ark because, well, I’ve seen Indiana Jones and I was afraid my face would melt. Not that I’m a Nazi or anything. I mean, I’ve read Mein Kampf but I didn’t take it seriously.
We asked Francis what else he stumbled upon in the Lucas treasure room:
The Holy Grail was there. Strange thing was in the box with the Grail was lots of Polaroids of famous people drinking from it. Spielberg,Clooney, Julia Roberts and Lucas himself. That was a bit weird. I also noticed some ancient relics, The Spear of Destiny, the original copy of the Old Testament and the complete works of Jerry Seinfeld.
We asked George Lucas to confirm or deny these accusations but he declined to comment. His agent Rita Rust did however release the following statement:
Mr Lucas is currently…well, to be honest nobody knows what he’s currently doing. We’re all just hoping he’s not writing another Indiana Jones script.