HOLLYWOOD – In an story that has the NSA all over our servers like a sexy rash, Ben Affleck has EXCLUSIVELY revealed the CIA have granted him full access to the Stanley Kubrick/NASA file and plans to make a groundbreaking and nailed on Oscar winning movie out of it.
It’s the dope man! I got the lot: the skinny on the Moon landings, Kubrick’s involvement, the cover up, the way they got rid of Bruce Dern, but more importantly, I’ll have this baby out for award season next year. You heard!
Walk us through it: you have proof that Kubrick helped to fake the Moon landings?
Filmed, not faked.
Oh, they went to the Moon, that happened for sure. And Kubrick went with them…he filmed it ON THE MOON!
But that doesn’t make…what!?
I don’t want to give the whole plot away but basically they worked out how much it would cost to fake the whole thing, hiring the studio space and technicians and then paying off all the people at NASA to pretend it happened and then actors fees etc plus overage cause you know, this is Kubrick, and they came to the conclusion that it’d be cheaper to actually just go to the Moon and film it there. Which makes a whole lot more sense when you think about it. Great production value, I mean that shit looks REAL!
I’m not gonna lie Ben, that sounds a bit crazy.
It gets better, guess who was the mastermind behind the whole operation? my character from Argo! TONY F*CKING MENDEZ! and all the team who helped to pull those funky dudes from Tehran first time round. We’ve got Bryan Cranston back too, and I’ll criminally under-use him once more. This is all my Christmases in one, we’re gonna get some of that Gravity money too. The nerds are sure to go ape-shit for this.
Do you really think you can pull this off?
Dude please…I’m Batman!
Argo 2: The Moon will be nominated for best Motion Picture, best Director, best screenplay and best actor (Jack Black as Stanley Kubrick) in 2015.