Monday 10 August 2020
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HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the massive commercial and critical success of Maleficent, star Angelina Jolie has announced her decision to quit acting whilst at the top of her game and become a plumber.

Explaining her decision, la Jolie spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Of course, everyone knows the world of acting is a glamorous one, but it’s no secret that in terms of being useful, of creating something tangibly worthy is more tricky. I’ve tried with my work as a good will ambassador to give something back but even here results are hard to come by and politics is an intricate and elusive game. But sinks always get blocked and you need someone to unblock them. 

The news also explains why Jolie has made so few films in recent years. 

I’ve already completed my apprenticeship working with Ralph Stymons of Leaky Solutions, Alabama. That took five years but was invaluable hands on training. I learned all about pipes, different grades and types, tools and regulations. I obtained my license in that state as well and I’m ready to go independent. I’ve talked to Brad and he’s very supportive. Financially, plumbers aren’t that far away from what I was getting for films anyway.

How do people react when Angelina Jolie turns up to look at a defective toilet?

People are very relaxed. They understand that you’re just a human being like they are, and frankly, they are usually just happy to have a working toilet again. 

Will we ever see a new Angelina Jolie movie?

I’m sure I’ll come back if the project is right. But at the moment I have my hands well and truly full. Maybe if they want to remake Psycho I could nail the shower scene. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ralph Stymons will be appearing in Leaky Solutions: The Motion Picture to be produced by Brad Pitt’s Plan B production company. 

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