ANGELINA JOLIE: ‘BRAD SMELLS LIKE A 3 DAY OLD TURD’
HOLLYWOOD – Men wore small satisfied smiles and women wept in the streets as Angelina Jolie came out with some shocking intimate details on Brad Pitt‘s hygiene regime or the lack thereof.
According to a source close to the couple, Pitt had gone off soap after reading that many of the antibacterial ingredients actually accelerated the aging process.
First Brad started using herbal infusions and vinegar but soon he even thought that was too perfume-y and so he preferred rolling in a puddle and then he’d rub himself down with old newspaper he found on the street.
Jolie stated that the results were that every time Brad stretched, walked past her, or broke into a run her eyelashes and nasal hair would be singed by the stench. “He smells like a 3 day old turd,” she told a confidante who put it on speaker phone so we could all hear. “If he wants to get his jollies with legs Jolie, he’s gonna have to hit the sheep dip and pronto!'”
Brad Pitt responded to the rumours in an interview with French Cultural magazine Chapeau:
Being clean is really just a societal thing. I mean what is clean anyway? Someone says, brush your teeth, shampoo your hair, scrub your face. Well I say, f*ck that! I say, I’m Brad Pitt and I like the tone of my pits.
He revealed that his daily routine involved:
- combing his hair (facial, pubic and head) with fish bones he saved from dinner
- brushing his teeth with year old wedding cake
- mud baths, with mud made from fresh cow dung
Following the publication of the interview and in recognition of his status as an honorary Frenchman, the French have awarded Brad le Pitts the Legion of Honour.