AN OPEN LETTER TO SHIA LABEOUF

Chad Sternberger Feb 9, 2014

BERLIN – Dear Mr. LaBeouf, 

Okay, pal. You win.
Seriously, we’ve had some good fun in the past, what with the plagiarism, the horror of Indiana Jones 4, the Transformers movies and Nymphomaniac (for a taste CLICK here), but enough is enough. I honestly can’t tell any more. It’s not funny. I just feel sick inside. 

Your antics at the Berlin film festival, turning up with a paper bag over your head, quoting/plagiarizing Eric Cantona at the press conference: Is this a cry for help or a Casey Affleck documentary? 

As much as I’d love to believe the writing on your paper bag – ‘I’m Not Famous Any More’ – could come true, this kind of Lohaning celebrity is like a Mexican Cartel: there’s no retirement plan. And worse, I fear mockery is just enabling you, so I give in. If you think this is some clever satire on the world of celebrity and you’re exchanging fame as a mediocrity for the dubious pleasures of notoriety, good luck to you. But you’re beyond my powers now. 

All the Best

The Studio Exec