FRANCE – 19th Century author of romantic and historical fiction Alexander Dumas has stunned the entertainment world by announcing his intention to sue Marvel Studios.
In an open letter to studio head Kevin Feige, the Three Musketeers author, who has been relatively quiet since 1869, details his may grievances against the successful film studio.
You think you’re pretty smart huh? Well no, actually, you’re not smart. In fact you’re an idiot face poop tongue and I don’t like you, no, not so much. Although I don’t own a television screen or attend the moving pictures, word has reached me that you have been doing big time stealings of my story books! Your movie film The Man In an Iron Man mask, so they tell me, is apparently a totes steal of my seminal 1887 novella The Man in the Iron Mask!
I also know that you have employed a thug to steal my notes. On hearing the plot of your picture story The Adventures of the Avenging Ones I was all like, ‘BASTARDS! [in French – SE]’ that’s totally what I was going to do with my Musketeer Re-boot The Musketeers Assemble to Battle the Alien Ones in New York. You think you can get away with this shizzle? No brother man you is a wrong face! And you callously re-tooled Porthos as a huge green rage-demon? Blasphemous and stinky sir. I hope you get plague on all of your balls.
And another thing, I swear to God, if I find out you’ve also had a look at The Musketeers Guarding the Galaxy manuscript, I’m coming over there. I may be 212 years old but I’ve health enough to still brandish a blunderbuss and do you great hurt in the knacker’s yard. In the mean time, lawyer up Feige.
P.S. You’re name is silly. I’m super serious.
Marvel have yet to release a statement but independent sources are saying that Dumas ‘kinda has a point.’