“We don’t know what happened,” said Colonel Jim Guest of the 22nd infantry.
The test site had been checked and double checked but as soon as we launched, the CCTV cameras picked up a naked and bedraggled man wandering into the drop zone sipping from a bottle of tequila. We realised it was Baldwin almost immediately but by then it was too late. He didn’t know what hit him.
He started twitching and flailing his arms then all of a sudden his eyes turned pale blue and he transformed into a giant green monster and started wrecking the place growling ‘BALDWIN SMASH!’ I must confess I thought I was having a delayed reaction to the acid I took during the experimental trials back in the 50s.
“This is a grave situation,” said Banner
Baldwin is one of the angriest men on the planet and his exposure to gamma radiation has created an unstoppable beast. We’ve tried to calm him down with sedatives, pan pipes and incense sticks but his rage only intensifies. We’re running out of options but we think that giving him a Lifetime achievement award at the Oscars might do the trick. The Academy wasn’t too pleased with the idea because his body work isn’t that great, but if it’s a choice between a tin statue and mass destruction, there is no choice.
We will keep you updated with more news on the Baldwin situation when we get it.