ALAN SMITHEE BECOMES THE RESIDENT DCEU DIRECTOR
EXCLUSIVE – Warner Bros have announced Alan Smithee becomes the resident DCEU director for all DCEU movies going forward. As Alan Smithee becomes the resident DCEU director, we spoke to the infamous movie helmer to discuss this deal.
Alan, Thank You For Joining Us.
No problem at all. I want my fee up front for this. Or I don’t take off my disguise.
I Was Going To Ask About Your Groucho Marx Glasses And Moustache?
Look, the thing is, I’m famous for making bullshit movies. If you want something to bomb, you know who you gotta come to. You got a star that’s imploding, or no script as you head into production? I’m your guy. If the money’s right, I can even take a sure fire hit and direct it into the dirt. I’ll turn a money making blockbuster into The Green Lantern any day of the week. And those fucking Snyder obsessives know that. To be honest, they’ll hate on anyone that aint Zack, but if they see me, I’m in trouble. So hence the Groucho glasses.
Are You Directing All DCEU Movies From Now On?
Yep. The thing is, they tried your James Wans, Patty Jenkinses and of course Zack Snyders and paid them a shit load of money. But the great thing about me is, I’m cheap as shit. You know exactly what you’re gonna get with me. It’ll be a steaming turd of a film. But then again, most of them have been anyway.
So Warner Bros Know These Films Will Be Bad?
Yeah sure, that’s the beauty of it. If everyone knows it’s gonna be a shit show, we can cut our budget accordingly. We’ll make enough green out of those obsessive Snyderverse cult members who only go to piss their pants on Twitter about how shit it is. But who cares?! We’ll take any dumb motherfucker’s money. And if need be, I’ll have my name removed from the credits.
But Doesn’t Your Name Mean That’s Already Happened?
Eh? What the hell are you talking about?