HOLLYWOOD – ABC have confirmed that Marvel’s flagship TV show Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D will not be picked up for a second series.

“We were convinced it was going to be a massive hit,” said ABC spokesman Mitch Muller.

Unfortunately viewers have been switching off in droves and every week it receives another critical mauling in the press. Advertisers have started to pull out, and Joss Whedon has asked to remove his name from the credits. It’s a disaster so we have no choice but to cut our losses and ask Marvel to go back to the drawing board.

Muller confirmed that ABC are already working on several shows to replace Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D and The Studio Exec can exclusively reveal which projects are being lined up to fill the empty time slot:

Monkey Bucket

A Chimpanzee with a bucket on his head repeatedly smashes it against a brick wall for 30 minutes.

Kill or be Killed

A game show based on the ancient art of dueling  Contestants fire pistols at each other on a misty English field for their chance to win a lifetime supply of medical insurance.

Star Trek: Resistance

The earth has been captured by the Romulans and the remains of the federation have built a rebel base on Titan. One eyed Captain Brett Maverick (Tom Cruise) leads the crew of the U.S.S.  Samurai with his half Vulcan/half Predator first officer and his quick tempered but kindhearted Alien Xenomorph Chief of Security.

The Wire: Miami

Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West) is transferred to the Miami police department and teams up with wisecracking cop Benny Tubbs (Tracy Morgan).

Food Vs Man

A family friendly version of Russian Roulette. Host Adam Rickman serves contestants a range of high cholesterol dishes but which one contains the sarin powder?

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