HOLLYWOOD – In response to comments made by actor Joaquin Phoenix, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has issued a press release announcing a new award to be presented exclusively at the 2013 edition of the ceremony. The Fuck You Joaquin Phoenix Award will be given to every single male actor who made a major motion picture appearance in a leading role, with one predictable exception.

Asked if the award wasn’t just a smidgen vindictive, Lionel Khrist the Academy spokesperson said, ‘Fuck yeah. He should learn the actors are there to walk around look pretty and keep their goddam cakeholes shut. Jesus, even when they win awards we try to hurry them the fuck up and get them off stage before they do something silly.’

The award is rumored to include a removable beard and sunglasses. Mr. Phoenix – who is no stranger to controversy following a stunt film I’m Still Here – made disparaging remarks for an award was being tipped to win for his role in Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master. Speaking exclusively to Studio Exec about the new award, Phoenix, or the Baddie from Gladiator (as he prefers to be known), seemed confused, slurring his words and saying, ‘It makes no sense. Is this a joke?’

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