AFTER EARTH: REVIEW

Morning at the Smith’s


INT. THE SMITH FAMILY’S PALATIAL HOLLYWOOD MANSION.


WILL SMITH sits alone at the breakfast table. He is eating a healthy, balanced meal and reading Variety. His son, JADEN SMITH, enters.

JADEN
Dad, I want to make a movie with you.

WILL
But we already made one, son. Why you want to be making another movie with your old man?

[WILL laughs, heartily.]



JADEN

Yeah, I know. But this time, I want to make a fun, adventure movie! Something really, really cool that all my friends in school will be jealous of!

WILL

Hmmm. Well, how about a science fiction movie? My friend Tom gave me some great books recently and I think I might have an idea…

JADEN

That sounds so COOL, dad.

WILL

Okay. How about a story where the earth has been evacuated due to man’s environmental recklessness? We could illustrate this by showing the montage from the end of On Deadly Ground at the very start of the movie. All of humanity has since relocated to a new planet, where life is perfect, except for the odd attack by unconvincing CGI beasts. And I could play a humorless, po-faced Space Ranger who doesn’t feel fear and kills these CGI beasts with a double-ended blade.


JADEN

Wow! Yeah, dad! And I could play his humorless, po-faced son, who is desperately seeking his father’s approval and wants to be an emotionless Space Ranger too!

WILL

And what if my character realizes that he hasn’t spent enough time with his family and decides to retire? But before doing so, he agrees to go on ONE FINAL MISSION, and for no reason whatsoever takes his son along with him.

JADEN

And then our ship could be damaged in, like, an asteroid storm or something, and could then conveniently crash-land on planet earth, which is now only inhabited by an assortment of unconvincing CGI beasts!

WILL 

Great idea son! And maybe we could have been carrying a highly dangerous CGI beast on board our ship too and we don’t know if it has escaped or not!

JADEN

And we could amazingly be the sole survivors of the crash! But you have broken both your legs in the impact so I have to set off alone on a dangerous quest to retrieve the distress beacon which has been deposited about 100 kilometers away and is our only hope of being rescued!

WILL

Great idea, son. And I could use the technology available to track and guide you on your journey and warn you of any incoming unconvincing CGI beasts.


JADEN

Yeah! And I could wear a really cool suit and fight off the unconvincing CGI beasts with a double-ended blade in an effort to become just like my dad! And I’d take up most of the screen time even though I have none of the charm, presence or charisma of my father.

WILL

That sounds great, son. Maybe I could get that guy, M. Night Shamalamadingdong to direct. He made the hit movies The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable and Signs and he has a great track record when it comes to working with child actors.

JADEN

But didn’t he also make Lady in the Water, The Happening and The Last Airbender?

WILL
Let’s focus on the positives, son.

JADEN

Okay, dad.

WILL

And once the film is made, we can do the talk show circuit together and show everyone how cool we are and what a great father-son team we make. So then when we tell people how great our movie is and they should see it – they’ll believe us!

JADEN

But…dad…what if the movie is no good and it bombs at the box office?

WILL

That’s doesn’t matter son…we get paid anyway!


They high five each other.







THE END

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