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Saturday 31 October 2020
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AFFLECK QUITS JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE

AFFLECK QUITS JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – After the critical annihilation of Batman Vs Superman, Ben Affleck has decided to hang up the cape and quit his role as the caped crusader.

The Studio Exec hopped on a call with Affleck to discuss his controversial exit:

Ben, how are you feeling?

Downcast, downhearted, despondent, disconsolate, dispirited, crestfallen,cast down, depressed, disappointed, disheartened, discouraged,demoralized, crushed, desolate, heartbroken, broken-hearted, heavy-hearted, low-spirited, in the doldrums, sad, unhappy, doleful, melancholy,miserable, woebegone, forlorn, long-faced, fed up, wretched, glum and gloomy.

I see. Batman Vs Superman was savaged by critics and lambasted on social media. What was your reaction when the negative comments started rolling in?

I was furious, incensed, raging, incandescent, wrathful, fuming, seething, hopping mad, wild, livid, as cross as two sticks, boiling, apoplectic, aerated, hot under the collar, on the warpath, up in arms, foaming at the mouth, steamed up, in a lather and fit to be tied.

You’ve quit a coveted role and that can’t have been easy, how did you finally come to that decision?

I pondered, deliberated, reflected, meditated, chewed over, broo…

Look, can I stop you there.


What?

You’re clearly just reading from an online thesaurus.


I’m outraged, hopping-mad, infuriated…

You’re doing it again.

Okay, look. My PR team has gone missing so I have nobody here to tell me what to say.

Gone missing?

Yeah, I told them I was backing out of Justice League and suddenly, no one is answering my calls.

Can’t you just answer my questions in your own words?

Woah. You mean, like, I tell you what I really think without checking with my team first?

Yeah.

Wow. You know I’ve been in Hollywood so long I’m not sure I can remember how to do that and I’m afraid that if I did, all the things I really want to say would come spewing out of me.

Go on, Ben. Be brave.

Okay. Here goes nothing…

Unfortunately at this point in the conversation the telephone went dead but fifteen minutes later, Affleck called us up.

Hi, Ben. What happened?

Er, my cellphone ran out of power.

No problem. So you were about to tell me what you really thought about Batman Vs Superman.

I’m very proud of the finished movie. Zack Snyder is a visionary director and I’m very much looking forward to working with him on Justice League.

I thought you’d quit.

I’m very proud of the finished movie. Zack Snyder is a visionary director and I’m very much looking forward to working with him on Justice League.

You’re being told to say that, aren’t you?

I’m very proud of the finished movie. Zack Snyder is a visionary director and I’m very much looking forward to working with him on Justice League.

Oh, f*ck off.


Justice League is due in 2017

 

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