adele bob geldof

LONDON – In light of accusations that she refused to take part in the recording of  Band Aid 30’s godforsaken assault on the song ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’, Adele has released a statement offering to fight Bob Geldof with all proceeds of the bout going to charity:

“That floppy haired c*nt has been calling me a slag for not doing his f*cking record. I’m going to break his f*cking teeth if he has the balls to get in the ring with me,”  said the celebrated soul songstress.

I’ve hired out Wembley stadium for tonight and I’ll be there at eight o’ clock on the f*cking dot. If people want to come down it’s a tenner a ticket and in case that f*cking dickhead doesn’t turn up we’ve got a grizzly bear on standby for me to scrap with. You’re gonna see some claret whatever happens so get your f*cking arses to the show and let’s raise some money for Oxfam.

Bob Geldof was unavailable for comment but his spokesperson Ari Goldsmith issued the following statement:

Mr Geldof is always willing to sacrifice his body and soul for the greater good and would be willing to take up Adele’s offer to help raise money for a worthy cause. However, it is a matter of record that that he doesn’t like Mondays and being a superstitious man, he has decided not to fight this evening.

You can make a donation to Oxfam CLICK here.

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