Beefy prepares for Die Hard

In the post office last week I bumped into none other than dear old Eli Wallach! Some kind people helped me up again, I straightened my toupee, and asked him what he’s up to these days. It turns out the poor darling’s under pressure from the studio to sign up for the next Die Hard sequel! Eli’s far too old to be running around with just a vest on, so I had no qualms at all about handing him the business card for my erstwhile stunt double Billy ‘The Beef’ Beaufort. 

Beefy was educated at one of England’s lesser known public schools meaning he has a very high pain threshold and limited intelligence. If you need someone to set himself alight and jump through a stained glass window Beefy doesn’t need to be asked twice! 

We first worked together more years ago than I care to remember on a picture called Apache Chaps Go Wild! In this particular scene I escaped my pursuers by leaping from the roof of a saloon, landing on my horse, and riding off. Beefy missed the horse and bumped his head a couple of times, but there was no lasting damage. By the sixteenth take he more or less knew what he was aiming for and landed a little awkwardly right on the saddle. We did a few more just for luck and then we helped him down from the horse and he limped off for lunch.  
Beefy never had any children, but I feel sure they would’ve been proud of such a dedicated craftsman. Without Beefy there’d be no James Bond, no Indiana Jones, and no Care Bears Movie which revealed a rarely seen sensitive side to his work. He did get into a knife fight with Funshine Bear, but that’s another story…
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