HOLLYWOOD – Since the 2001 release of Jurassic Park III, fans have eagerly awaited the next instalment. Fourteen years later, the lazy title of Jurassic Park IV won’t hack it – they needed a creative, earth-shattering title. And they got it: Jurassic World. Since the news broke, many long dead have announced sequels with similarly one-upping titles. Films such as…
1. The Passion of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
In this sci-fi sequel, several clones of Mary Magdalene are created. Jesus finds room in his heart to love each and every one of them, leading to the invention of polygamy and, therefore, the Mormon religion. What Mel Gibson lacks in reading comprehension and researching skills, he makes up for in provocative story telling, explosions, and smokin’ hot (identical) Monica Belluccis.
1. Sorry I Haven’t Called in a Few Years, but I Still Remember That Summer Thing
The I Know What You Did Last Summer franchise is no stranger to coming up with bigger and better titles. While the first sequel, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer had an admittedly lazy title, they bounced back 8 years later with I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. That was way back in 2006, and in the summer of 2016 they will outdo themselves yet again with Sorry I Haven’t Called in a Few Years, but I Still Remember That Summer Thing, the first film whose abbreviation (SIHCIAFYBISRTST) will actually require its own abbreviation. And don’t think this will be the final entry in the series–they’ve already announced a prequel, Yo, What You Doin’ Next Summer?
While this is technically an unofficial sequel out of Bollywood, it is getting lots of buzz nonetheless. Although many have expressed concerns about continuity errors due to every character suddenly being Indian, the film provides a very clever explanation for the change (hint: magic. It’s magic).
4. Christmas Vacation at Bernie’s
While the reboot of National Lampoon’s Vacation starring Ed Helms has been delayed, a separate film is in the works–and this one a crossover with Weekend At Bernie’s. This year, instead of hosting Christmas at their own home, the Griswolds pay a visit to their estranged Uncle Bernie. The studio is currently in negotiations with Terry Kiser to reprise his role as the titular Bernie, after discovering that the actor is still alive (although he technically wouldn’t need to be alive anyway, considering the nature of his character).
Disney is breaking lots of ground with this one. In addition to being the company’s very first R-rated movie, it is the first ever film to utilize brand new 4D technology. What exactly does this entail? Simply put, there’s dog hair all over the theatre. Like, EVERYWHERE.
How Disney were able to get away with putting such an offensive word in the title, you ask? A very simple explanation: Money (they were able to afford enough chloroform to sedate every single MPAA employee).