HOLLYWOOD – It’s The Golden Globes this Sunday and so the Studio Exec FACT squad has kicked into gear to issue you with five FACTS about the mysterious and little known award ceremony and what it means for you.
1. No one gives a shit about The Golden Globes.
2. The name for the Golden Globes was originally taken from the first draft of Russ Meyer’s unmade James Bond film. In the film, 007 does combat with a villain who is endowed with a massive pair of Golden Testicles. This was changed to a penis and from thence to a finger. Mike Myers later claimed that one of his films was inspired by Meyers’ unmade masterpiece. Which one? That’s right, Wayne’s World.
3. Kevin James has never won a Golden Globe. Or an Oscar. But he will win both. And when he does the seventh seal will be broken.
4. When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes there was a distinct danger they could become entertaining. Thankfully, he has since been removed.
5. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association pretend to host the Golden Globes, but really the Globes are run by a Masonic Cult with connections to a British Actor’s Ex-Pat club popularly known as the Jolly Bastards. The Jolly Bastards have allegedly committed a series of crimes – including murder, abduction, drug smuggling and animal cruelty – though no charges have ever been leveled because of their sophisticated accents and dry self-deprecating sense of humor. Hugh Laurie is the present president and denies everything glibly.
The Golden Globes will be broadcasting live at 5 pm PT and 8pm ET on NBC.