5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HELENA BONHAM CARTER

HELENA BONHAM CARTER ALERT – Get ready for a factoid shower that will dissolve the amassed icing on the disintegrated wedding cake of not knowing.

  1. Helena Bonham Carter comes from a long family of humble carters, who would cart luggage and vegetables around on carts for tuppence. Helena herself learned carting but was saved from a life time of drudgery by the intervention of a fat prostitute called Mavis. Her mother still continues the family trade and will often cart about her daughter’s vegetables whenever Helena is in ‘town’.
  2. In A Room with a View – based on the novel by Federick Forsythe – Helena’s room did in actual fact have a view, but it was digitally enhanced by James Cameron.
  3. David Fincher originally cast Helena Bonham Carter as Tyler Durden, but changed his mind when he realised that ‘it was a really dumb idea’. The character of Marla was invented because Fincher was too embarrassed to tell Helena of the mistake.
  4. Helena Bonham Carter is married to Timothy Burton, the imaginative genius who gave us a load of remakes of crap television shows and Planet of the Apes. He insists she auditions for any role she wants, but if he turns her down she waits until he is asleep and then cuts off his toes with rose sheers. He only has two toes left on his right foot.
  5. Helena Bonham Carter’s dinner parties are famous throughout Hollywood and the British theatrical world, especially for their bizarre menus and sadistic Bunuel style games. She will often have her mother cart the vegetables to the house only to roundly criticize her before the assembled guests for her lack of social mores.
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6 thoughts on “5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HELENA BONHAM CARTER”

    1. 1st one is true. I was an Umpa Lompa in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and we talked. Lovely woman.

  1. WHAT!? SCREW YOU! HELENA IS A GODDESS! CRUCIO! OFF W/ YOUR HEAD! RAISE IT UP THE MASTERS ASS!

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